“Magic Arrives” Novel Sneak Preview! Don’t Miss it! “Magic Arrives” is my newest novel and my first humorous fantasy. I’m releasing it on patreon.com. Click to go there.
But for my faithful blog readers and newsletter subscribers (click here to subscribe) I’m giving you a taste. This is the Prologue and first chapter, entitled, “Tea”. Enjoy!
My cover isn’t ready yet, but here is one of my cover concepts. It’s the famous “blue marble” view of the Earth from Apollo 8.
“Magic Arrives” Novel Blurb Right Here
What’s “Magic Arrives” about?
Here’s my blurb draft. If you can make it better, let me know:
Magic breaks out on the Earth. Suddenly, liars pants catch on fire. Stuffed animals stop gang member. But no one knows how the magic works. Welcome to the new Earth: eight billion sorcerer’s apprentices. Everyone is magical. Everyone gets their wishes granted.
Does that sound frightening? It’s worse. Nuclear scientist Katie Garcia is doing her best to figure it out, using all the resources of Oak Ridge National Labs. Will she learn the rules of magic before humanity destroys itself—or her?
Don’t Miss Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter Here! It’s been a while since I gave away Zombie Turkeys excerpts: today’s your lucky day! Get Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter Right Here!
But Why You Don’t Miss Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter?
Okay, so it is pretty much the same formula and tropes that we’ve seen before. Science experiment gone wrong, and it causes humans/animals to go rabid and tear apart everything. Amidst all that we have everyday individuals caught in the zombie wave, fighting and holding on to dear life, and the strife brings together people from different walks of life and bonds them together. New alliances are formed, camaraderie and sportsmanship (literally) are bought to the forefront. We find out that the world is indeed a great place and people are essentially good.
Now in this novel it’s turkeys that underwent zombification. Don’t know why Andy choose Turkeys, then again, why the hell not?? Now, read everything in the previous paragraph as a satire or with a comedic tone and you get a novel that is a laughter riot from start to finish. If you take this novel seriously then seriously there is something wrong with you. I’m sure of one thing, Andy must have really enjoyed writing this one, cause I really enjoyed reading it.
Plot Summary:
So there is a turkey infection outbreak across the United States. The result is that the turkeys kind of become like Wolverine, you can cut or shoot or slash or skewer but like good old Wolvie, the turkeys heal themselves and keep on marching. Hell, turkeys kept inside freezers come back to life and start growing feathers and other accessories. They peck to death humans and other predators, overwhelming them by sheer numbers. If this were a movie I would put this in the posters –
“The last thing you hear before being pecked to death is Gobble Gobble “
Anyway back to the plot, as always we need a hero and that role is done by Sam Melvin reporter for a local newspaper. He is the first one to report the zombie turkey attacks and thus the popularity of their newspaper skyrockets. His boss, Lisa who used to see him as an underachiever falls for him and they develop a relationship. They capitalize on the whole outbreak scenario and provide reports and videos of turkey attacks, people who survived the attacks and other info, on how to fight the turkeys and what precautions need to be taken.
I was hooked on to the stadium scene where a flock of more than 100,000 turkeys descended to the field while a football match was in progress. This was by far the funniest and most interesting of all the zombie battles. Fans from both teams and the players started chopping up turkeys and singing the Thanksgiving song.
Bonus: The Obamas show up in the novel. If that doesn’t pique your interest I don’t know what will.
By the end of the novel it is implied that the experiment that caused the turkeys to go zombie mode had impacted other animals as well – squirrels, rabbits, bulls and finally humans – technically actual zombies. Hooray!! Which also explains the title – “Life after Life Chronicles Part 1″. What I liked about the novel apart from the comedic aspects is Andy’s writing that sometimes makes us wonder if we are actually reading a satirical novel. As ludicrous as it seems, occasionally we are left to seek out the humor as, when people die by turkeys (Lol) the description takes on a serious tone. Don’t worry, it isn’t that depressing, the humor marches it’s way back in, in the next line or paragraph.
So we have sequels to this and part 2 of the series is called – “My Undead Mother-in-law“.
I wish all the very best for Andy and his zombie horde of characters. Keep writing!!
Don’t Miss Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter – Right Now!
With no further ado, here’s your first excerpt:
Do You Want More Zombie Turkeys Laughter? Have Another Excerpt
Just when you think it can’t get better, here’s more.
Your Fourteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Author Andy Zach here and today you will laugh!
Why? It’s the My Undead Mother-in-law, Diane Newby, who is here helping a poor cattle farmer in West Peoria. You never knew someone with glowing red eyes could be so entertaining! Your free excerpt is below.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.
Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm of West Peoria, surveyed the fifty head of cattle grazing on the hills of his farm in the Kickapoo River Valley on a frosty February morning. A flicker of motion caught his eye to the left.
One of his cows bawled as a long brown body leapt upon the cow’s back, ran toward the head, and savagely ripped off her ear. Dozens more of the animals attacked the cow’s udder and underbelly.
Dumbfounded, Richard stared as the bleeding cow crumpled to her knees. Were those giant weasels? Rats? He couldn’t quite place them, although they seemed familiar. He ran to the barn and grabbed his shotgun. By the time he came back, the cow had been reduced to a bloody skeleton. Its furry attackers were nowhere to be seen.
Shaking, he dialed the Zombie Turkey Hotline with difficulty. He didn’t know who else to call.
“Zombie Turkey Hotline, Sam Melvin here.”
“Help! Something attacked one of my cows and ate it alive!”
“What? Calm down. Tell me the whole story.”
“There’s not much more to tell. I was looking at my cows this morning in the field, and I saw one get attacked by dozens of furry brown somethings.”
“I’ll be right there.” West Peoria was just a half an hour from Midley.
Cow Death
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon
Sam found Richard in the middle of his field, studying the cow skeleton with another man.
“Hi, I’m Sam Melvin, investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon.“
“Thanks for coming. I’m Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm. This is Steve Cole, our local animal control officer.”
“Hi. What have you found out?”
“Whatever it was, was amazingly savage. It was like a pack of land piranhas,” Steve said.
“Did you get any footprints?”
“No. Between the churned mud and the frozen ground, I couldn’t find anything identifiable. They were brown furry quadrupeds with sharp teeth, weighing thirty to forty pounds,” Steve said.
“How are you going to catch them?”
“I assume they’re some kind of zombies. No natural animal acts like that. I’ll stake out another cow tonight, surround her with a ring of gasoline, and burn the crap out of them,” Richard said.
The Undead Mother-in-law to the Rescue
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
“Say, I’ve got an idea,” Sam said.
“What’s that?”
“Mind if I bring a friend who might be able to control these animals?”
“Good luck with that! They’re killers! You see this skeleton? That cow weighed a thousand pounds, and it was reduced to that in two minutes. I wouldn’t want that to happen to your friend.”
“Somehow, I don’t think that’ll happen to her. You see, she’s a zombie, Diane Sydney. She controlled a flock of zombie turkeys last week.”
“Yeah, I think I read something about that. I want her to sign a liability release form if she wants to try anything. I can’t guarantee anyone’s safety on my farm now. You too, Sam, if you stay overnight.”
“OK. Will do.” By this time, dangerous zombie situations no longer fazed Sam.
Sam flew Diane in from Gary on the Midley Beacon’s plane. She arrived at the Peoria International Airport, private aviation, where their plane was based. Sam met her on the cold, dark tarmac. She smiled to the point of wrinkling her red eyes, showing excitement.
Can A Zombie Mother-law-law defeat an unknown zombie?
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.
“Hi, Sam! Thanks for flying me in. I’ve never been in one of these single-engine planes before! I’m thrilled you called me! I’m sure I can deal with whatever these zombies are. I’d hate to see another cow lose its life.”
“You know these things stripped a cow to its bones in two minutes?”
“No problem! It’ll take me less than two minutes to assert my dominance.”
“Good luck—you’ll need it.”
“No luck—just good old zombie perseverance!”
Sam adjusted his night-vision goggles, and he, Diane, and Richard took turns watching the poor old bovine staked out in the field, near where the other cow had died, from an outbuilding. As the gray morning dawned, the furry creatures attacked the cow.
“Oh no you don’t!” Diane shouted and sprang into action. She covered the fifty yards to the cow in world-record time, especially over frozen, snowy ground. She grabbed two of the creatures and smashed their heads together with a splat, like two tomatoes bursting. Dozens of them jumped upon her.
The End of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
Andy Zach’s Tombstone
“Which!” Diane grabbed two more from her back, hanging on with their teeth, and hurled them so hard into the frozen ground they each made a red-lined crater.
“One!” She batted two attacking from the front into an oak tree thirty feet away, where they fell, broken.
“Is!” With her other leg, she kicked one biting her calf. It landed a hundred yards away, breaking the ice on the frozen Kickapoo Creek.
“The!” Diane clapped her hands together on one leaping for her throat. The body collapsed with a spray of blood, coating her from head to toe and spraying twenty feet away.
“Boss!” The remaining creatures cowered before her savagery. There was at least three dozen remaining. They rolled over on their backs, exposing their bellies in submission.
“Oh, aren’t you cute!” Diane exclaimed, wiping blood and gore from her face, cleaning her hands in the snow and petting the nearest animal.
“Why, they’re corgis!” Sam exclaimed. “They are cute—when they’re not eating cows. Even with red eyes.”
What Do You Think of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift?
Zombie corgi butt, from ‘Paranormal Privateers’ now in audiobook
What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
