Posted on Leave a comment

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – My Gift

Villain's Vacation cover What is it like?

Villain’s Vacation Begins – Chapter 1 It’s my gift for you, Enjoy these free excerpts! I love my readers, each one of them,

Enjoy chapter 1 of my book Villain’s Vacation. In it, four seventh graders with four different disabilities and four different superpowers go to a coaster park. Too bad their worst enemy is there, out for revenge. Merry Christmas to all!

P.S. I give away free books for any reviews on this book. Just click here and send me a link to your review.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Dancer

What Do Readers Think
Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 1 icon of Villain’s Vacation

How fascinating! This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.

Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.

He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day Dancer had noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps which then formed more patterns. Then he started listening to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother and sometimes by his father.

Dancer had learned to understand Jeremy and his parents, and then he’d put the terms they said with the clumps on the paper. Each letter had a sound, and together they formed clumps his master called “words.” The idea was brilliant. No wonder they were his owners and he was only a hamster.

Dancer read each paper eagerly to the point of memorizing it, but reading started to bore him. Jeremy only changed the lining about once a week. So he’d watched Jeremy open and close his cage door. Then he copied the motion, using his paws and nose. He left to search for more words to read.

Dancer found a treasure trove. This bookshelf was one of six in the lower level of his master’s big cage. Dancer decided to explore upstairs when he finished the books down here. He wasn’t even done with this shelf yet.

Part 2

Rollercoaster Adventure
Villain's Vacation Begins
Hamster vs Squirrel

The books he read so far were Jeremy’s old schoolbooks, all marked up by Jeremy. Dancer could smell Jeremy’s scent on them. He’d learned about books called “fiction,” which were stories humans invented. Humans organized fiction by author, not topic, like nonfiction. Now, he’d look for these fiction books.

He scanned the shelf above the schoolbooks. Some of the hardbacks had names on the binding. Those were the authors. Wells, Yellen, Zach. That was alphabetical—maybe these were fiction books. He climbed to the second shelf and pulled the Zach one—Zombie Turkeys—out of its place.

 Soon he so was engrossed, he hardly heard the front door open. Jeremy was home! Dancer had to get back in his cage. Using his paws and mouth, he jammed the Your Sixth Year Reader and Zombie Turkeys back onto the shelf and scampered across Jeremy’s lab. He shinnied up the table leg to his cage, flipped the sliding door up with his nose, and squeezed in.

Jeremy rolled into the room in his electric wheelchair, with his friend Dan Elanga holding the back of it.

“Hi, Dancer! You’re up to greet me! Look, Dan. He’s standing up against his door.”

“He does look like he’s greeting you.” Dan wasn’t even looking at Dancer. Dancer knew he was using his telepathic power to see through Jeremy’s eyes.

Jeremy picked up Dancer and petted him. Dancer smelled Jeremy’s familiar scent. Someday he’d have to tell Jeremy that he’d learned to read. But how?

This Andy Zach seemed to know a lot about animals, at least zombie turkeys. Maybe he’d give Dancer some ideas.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 3

After Jeremy and his parents left the next day, Dancer finished Zombie Turkeys and learned about zombie squirrels, rabbits, cows, and people. They were weird, but not any weirder than what he read about people in the newspaper. Humans did all kinds of crazy things. He didn’t even know if Zombie Turkeys was fiction or not. Or was the newspaper fiction? Nothing was marked. There was so much he didn’t know.

Dancer noticed a contact email for Andy Zach in his book. He climbed on Jeremy’s computer desk. Dancer had played with the computer once before and found it confusing. Now he had a purpose: send an email to Andy Zach.

The hamster pushed the mouse with his front paws until the arrow on the screen was over the circle with the three colors. He had seen Jeremy do this to send an email many times. Dancer clicked it with his nose. A window opened. Now, what do I have to click next?

He read everything on that window. Bookmarks, 120 unread, News, My Drive, Blog. Hmmm … 120 unread what? His nose clicked on the mouse.

Mail. Found it! Now, how to write one? Again Dancer read everything. A rectangle with one word, “Compose.” That means to write music. Could it mean write an email? Words often have more than one meaning. He clicked it.

The window changed. It now showed:

From: Jeremy Gentle

To: (blank rectangle)

Subject: (blank rectangle)

Then there was a big blank space. Another rectangle with the word “Send” appeared at the bottom.

Dancer breathed faster like he was racing on the wheel in his cage. This is it! Carefully, he placed his paw on each letter on the keyboard: [email protected]. He’d memorized Andy Zach’s email address from his book.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 4

Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 4 icon

 Dancer pushed the mouse and clicked through to the next rectangle.

Subject: how do i tell my owner i can read q.

He couldn’t type uppercase symbols like the question mark or capital letters. In desperation, he used a q for the question mark.

That didn’t seem quite right, but he couldn’t think of any other way to put his question. Andy was an author. He should be good with words. I’m sure he’ll understand.

What should I say to Andy? Just tell him the truth.

andy,

i’m a hamster. i learned to read. how do i tell my owner, jeremy gentle q i can’t talk. please help.

dancer

That seemed to cover everything. The letters weren’t quite right since he couldn’t figure out how to capitalize, but it probably didn’t matter. He also shortened “question” to “q.” That didn’t seem any more confusing than “?”. He pressed Send and went to read the rest of Jeremy’s bookshelf.

As he spun his wheel that evening, Dancer thought, How will I know if Andy responds? I suppose the unread emails will go to 121. I’ll just have to check in the morning.

Worn out from worry and wheeling, Dancer nested in his cedar shavings and went to sleep.

* * *

After Jeremy and his parents closed the front door the next morning, Dancer raced out of his cage to the computer desk. Opening the window, Dancer saw 123 unread emails. He scanned them. One subject read, “To Dancer, care of Jeremy Gentle.” From Andy Zach. That was for him! He opened the email, twitching his whiskers with eagerness.

Hi Jeremy and Dancer,

If this is Jeremy reading this email, read the attached email and you’ll understand. It’s from your hamster, Dancer.

If this is Dancer, pay close attention.

Part 5

Villain’s Vacation Chapter 5 icon

Your email fascinated me. Proceeding on the assumption this is not a hoax, here’s what I recommend.

First, keep reading and learning about the world of humans. No matter how much you know, it isn’t enough. We’re weird and dangerous.

Second, you’ll have to wait until I finish my Secret Supers book tour. Then I’ll come to Maryville and personally introduce you as an intelligent hamster to Jeremy and his friends. I’m sure they’ll be happy to meet you and be friends.

Third, if you want to keep this secret, delete this email after you read it. Don’t send me any more. Jeremy can read them.

I look forward to meeting you, Dancer!

Your friendly paranormal animal author,

Andy Zach

Where was the Delete button? The hamster moused around the screen, hoping for a pop-up instruction. He went over a rounded rectangle with lines. “Trash” appeared. He clicked it, and the email deleted.

Whew! Computers puzzled him. But Dancer hoped Andy would know what to do with Jeremy and his parents. He had plenty to learn while waiting. He’d caught up to Jeremy in English. What subjects should he try next?

There was this group of books called “Encyclopedia” on the bottom shelf of one of the bookcases. He’d avoided them because they were so big and heavy. But he’d just learned the meaning of “encyclopedia” in Jeremy’s seventh-grade English book. It meant a collection of books that contained all knowledge. Just what I need.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 6

Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 6 icon

Too bad he couldn’t read an encyclopedia on the computer. He didn’t think he could put the big book away. He scanned the screen again for “Encyclopedia.” Nothing. What’s this? A round symbol with a blank for typing. He put the mouse arrow over it, and the word “Search” appeared.

He carefully typed “encyclopedia” in the blank, then clicked the symbol. A new window popped up. “Free encyclopedia online” the first line read.

“how long do book tours last,” he typed.

He read several articles, with no clear answer. It seems questions don’t always have one answer. Some authors never stop touring. Others do it for weeks or months. Too bad he didn’t ask Andy how long he’d be on tour.

 Under “Popular Topics,” he saw “Abraham Lincoln,” a name Dancer recognized from Jeremy’s schoolbooks. He began reading. So much to learn!

* * *

Lincoln fascinated him, and his history showed how dangerous humans could be. As a break from the violence, Dancer read about hamsters. There were seventeen types or species. They lived in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East.

 The world was enormous. What he could see out the windows was the least of it. Dancer felt an urge to explore his neighborhood. How long did he have before Jeremy returned? He glanced at the clock. Twelve thirty. He had four hours.

He’d learned to tell time from Jeremy’s first-grade math book. Once he’d gotten past addition and subtraction, he’d been confused, but clocks were a great invention of humans.

Dancer went out the doggy door, followed by Jeremy’s black lab, Diesel. He sniffed Dancer curiously and then went about his business.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 7

What is novel Writing Like
Jeremy is captured by a robot in Villain’s Vacation

Dancer explored the backyard and then slipped easily under the gate in the fence. He loved the fresh air and exploring… Ooh! What’s that?

A small striped animal ran up to him. Dancer concentrated and remembered the word for it … chipmunk. It looked like the picture in Jeremy’s book. Except this chipmunk had a metal cap on its head. Odd.

After staring at him, the chipmunk ran off as fast as it’d arrived. He’d have to ask Andy Zach about this when he saw him.

Dancer completed his circumnavigation of Jeremy’s property and returned through the doggy door. Diesel raised a sleepy head as Dancer entered, and then the dog lay back down. Dancer felt proud, a little like that human Magellan he’d read about. Maybe later he’d have a chance to go around the world with Jeremy.

But now he was tired. He reached for Andy Zach’s next book, My Undead Mother-In-Law, and snuggled up for a good read. The story talked about human zombies and their problems and adventures. Then rats, snakes, monkeys, and chipmunks appeared with “metal yarmulkes.” What were those?

Back to the computer Dancer jogged. He learned a yarmulke was a small cap worn by observant Jews. Judaism was one of the many religions humans followed. Was Andy writing about Jewish animals?

Dancer’d never thought about religion himself. It was just one of the many things about people he didn’t understand. He trotted back to the book. What did Andy say about these animals with yarmulkes? Was the chipmunk he saw one of them?

Villain’s Vacation Begins – Part 8

Frantically, he read more of Andy’s book. There it was. The metal yarmulkes indicated cyborg-controlled animals. Another online dictionary check taught him a cyborg was a part-human—or animal—part-machine combination. In Andy’s book, a criminal controlled the cyborg animals.

Does that mean some criminal is using the chipmunk to spy on Jeremy? That’d be terrible! Now he trembled. Humans had always seemed so powerful, but when they turned to evil, they were dreadful. There was only one thing he could do. Back at the computer, he typed:

dear andy,

 i found a cyborg chipmunk outside jeremy’s house. i’m afraid it’s controlled by a criminal. what should i do q please answer quickly.

dancer

He sent the message and hurried back to finish Andy’s book before Jeremy returned.I

One Last Thing

Andy Zach in repose
My Undead Mother-in-law Free
Andy Zach in repose

If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already.

You can get the audiobook here. My wife likes my audiobooks more. Maybe you will too.

You can get an autographed book by clicking here.

Andy Zach

Posted on 5 Comments

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Happy Mother's Day

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Author Andy Zach here and today you will laugh!

Why? It’s the My Undead Mother-in-law, Diane Newby, who is here helping a poor cattle farmer in West Peoria. You never knew someone with glowing red eyes could be so entertaining! Your free excerpt is below.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Fourteenth Gift: My Undead Mother-in-law

Chapter 2 – West Peoria

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm of West Peoria, surveyed the fifty head of cattle grazing on the hills of his farm in the Kickapoo River Valley on a frosty February morning. A flicker of motion caught his eye to the left.

One of his cows bawled as a long brown body leapt upon the cow’s back, ran toward the head, and savagely ripped off her ear. Dozens more of the animals attacked the cow’s udder and underbelly.

Dumbfounded, Richard stared as the bleeding cow crumpled to her knees. Were those giant weasels? Rats? He couldn’t quite place them, although they seemed familiar. He ran to the barn and grabbed his shotgun. By the time he came back, the cow had been reduced to a bloody skeleton. Its furry attackers were nowhere to be seen.

Shaking, he dialed the Zombie Turkey Hotline with difficulty. He didn’t know who else to call.

“Zombie Turkey Hotline, Sam Melvin here.”

“Help! Something attacked one of my cows and ate it alive!”

“What? Calm down. Tell me the whole story.”

“There’s not much more to tell. I was looking at my cows this morning in the field, and I saw one get attacked by dozens of furry brown somethings.”

“I’ll be right there.” West Peoria was just a half an hour from Midley.

Cow Death

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
My Undead Mother-in-law Audiobook
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon

Sam found Richard in the middle of his field, studying the cow skeleton with another man.

“Hi, I’m Sam Melvin, investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon.

“Thanks for coming. I’m Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm. This is Steve Cole, our local animal control officer.”

“Hi. What have you found out?”

“Whatever it was, was amazingly savage. It was like a pack of land piranhas,” Steve said.

“Did you get any footprints?”

“No. Between the churned mud and the frozen ground, I couldn’t find anything identifiable. They were brown furry quadrupeds with sharp teeth, weighing thirty to forty pounds,” Steve said.

“How are you going to catch them?”

“I assume they’re some kind of zombies. No natural animal acts like that. I’ll stake out another cow tonight, surround her with a ring of gasoline, and burn the crap out of them,” Richard said.

The Undead Mother-in-law to the Rescue

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
Happy Mother's Day
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.

“Say, I’ve got an idea,” Sam said.

“What’s that?”

“Mind if I bring a friend who might be able to control these animals?”

“Good luck with that! They’re killers! You see this skeleton? That cow weighed a thousand pounds, and it was reduced to that in two minutes. I wouldn’t want that to happen to your friend.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’ll happen to her. You see, she’s a zombie, Diane Sydney. She controlled a flock of zombie turkeys last week.”

“Yeah, I think I read something about that. I want her to sign a liability release form if she wants to try anything. I can’t guarantee anyone’s safety on my farm now. You too, Sam, if you stay overnight.”

“OK. Will do.” By this time, dangerous zombie situations no longer fazed Sam.

Sam flew Diane in from Gary on the Midley Beacon’s plane. She arrived at the Peoria International Airport, private aviation, where their plane was based. Sam met her on the cold, dark tarmac. She smiled to the point of wrinkling her red eyes, showing excitement.

Can A Zombie Mother-law-law defeat an unknown zombie?

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.

“Hi, Sam! Thanks for flying me in. I’ve never been in one of these single-engine planes before! I’m thrilled you called me! I’m sure I can deal with whatever these zombies are. I’d hate to see another cow lose its life.”

“You know these things stripped a cow to its bones in two minutes?”

“No problem! It’ll take me less than two minutes to assert my dominance.”

“Good luck—you’ll need it.”

“No luck—just good old zombie perseverance!”

Sam adjusted his night-vision goggles, and he, Diane, and Richard took turns watching the poor old bovine staked out in the field, near where the other cow had died, from an outbuilding. As the gray morning dawned, the furry creatures attacked the cow.

“Oh no you don’t!” Diane shouted and sprang into action. She covered the fifty yards to the cow in world-record time, especially over frozen, snowy ground. She grabbed two of the creatures and smashed their heads together with a splat, like two tomatoes bursting. Dozens of them jumped upon her.

The End of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
Funny Novel
Andy Zach’s Tombstone

“Which!” Diane grabbed two more from her back, hanging on with their teeth, and hurled them so hard into the frozen ground they each made a red-lined crater.

“One!” She batted two attacking from the front into an oak tree thirty feet away, where they fell, broken.

“Is!” With her other leg, she kicked one biting her calf. It landed a hundred yards away, breaking the ice on the frozen Kickapoo Creek.

“The!” Diane clapped her hands together on one leaping for her throat. The body collapsed with a spray of blood, coating her from head to toe and spraying twenty feet away.

“Boss!” The remaining creatures cowered before her savagery. There was at least three dozen remaining. They rolled over on their backs, exposing their bellies in submission.

“Oh, aren’t you cute!” Diane exclaimed, wiping blood and gore from her face, cleaning her hands in the snow and petting the nearest animal.

“Why, they’re corgis!” Sam exclaimed. “They are cute—when they’re not eating cows. Even with red eyes.”

What Do You Think of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift?

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift
Best August Videos
Zombie corgi butt, from ‘Paranormal Privateers’ now in audiobook

What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like My Undead Mother-in-law, you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.

Posted on 5 Comments

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift of My 25 Gifts to You

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift of My 25 Gifts to you. Hi! I’m author Andy Zach and today’s your lucky day!

It’s not just lucky for you, but also for Sam Melvin, who barely survives his adventures in Zombie Detective. Your free excerpt is below.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Thirteenth Gift: Zombie Detective – Sam’s First Case

Thirteenth Literary Gift
Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

An elderly but spry man entered.

“Mr. Haagen?”

“That’s my name—don’t wear it out. Or you can call me Steve. You are . . .”

“Sam Melvin, private investigator. I heard you had some zombie animal here.”        

“Or something. You saw my cows as you came in?”

“Sure.”

“Every night for the past week something has been breaking through my fence, and my cows have been escaping.”

“Wow. Could it simply be your cows getting out?”

“Nope. The fence is broken from outside.”

“Um, try a bigger fence?”

“It’s electrified. I amped up the voltage. Nothing. I put steel fencing behind the wire. Down it came. I even tried cinderblocks behind the steel fencing. Everything was smashed.”

“I guess I’ll have to watch it overnight.”

“Yeah, I thought of that, and then I thought of you, the famous zombie turkey reporter. I didn’t want to try this without your expertise.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“So you’re working as a detective now? A zombie detective?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, detect.”

Sam Melvin Detects

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Sam went to the broken fence with Steve. A hundred yards of electric fence wire lay on the ground, pointing toward the barn. The steel fencing was bowed and flattened. The cinderblocks were scattered about like cereal pieces from a toddler’s high chair.

“Whoa, there was some real force used here.”

“I’m glad it’s you who’s investigating.”

“Uh, yeah. What are these tracks all over the ground?”

“My cows. When the fence goes down, they go out. They come back in the same way.”

“They return?”

“Sure. They know where the food is.”

“What’s on the other side of the fence? Who’s property is it?

“It’s my neighbor’s wood lot. We’ve gone through it together, but we haven’t found anything.”

“I hope you were armed.”

“Yup. We read about the zombie turkeys. We had shotguns and flamethrowers. Zombie Burners brand from Amazon.”

“That’ll do it. I’m not sure the shotguns would help. They only slow them down while they regenerate.”

“Heh. I’ve been reading up on zombie turkeys. They’re loaded with rock salt.”

“That’s a new one. I know salt water works on zombie turkeys to kill the bacteria, but I never thought of rock salt.”

“You put a load of rock salt into a zombie turkey and what do you get when it dissolves? Salt water.”

“That might work.”

“We’ll find out tonight.”

That evening, Sam enjoyed a hearty barbecue steak dinner with Steve and his wife, Abby, around their dinner table. They filled in the cracks with corn on the cob and homemade French fries.

“That was a great meal, Steve, Abby. Thanks.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Sam. Seems we always have plenty of beef around here,” Abby said.

“Sun’s down, Sam. Let’s go on our ‘steakout.’”

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift – The ‘Steak-out’

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift
My Undead Mother-in-law Audiobook
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon

“Ha! Did you get the fence back up?”

“Yup. The boys are getting pretty fast at repairing that baby. I even had them mix up a bag of concrete and pour it over the cinderblocks.”

“Would it set that fast?”

“So happens we were laying a new driveway and I got this concrete admixture that hardens it faster. Plus, I had some rebar lying around, and I put that in too.”

“Let’s see if that slows down this thing, whatever it is.”

“You don’t think it was those zombie turkeys?”

“No, there’d be turkey feathers everywhere, and they’d attack your cows.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I’m afraid some other animal has gone zombie.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Yes. I hope you have your flamethrower.”

“Yep. I’ve got the big one I use to protect the house. I hooked an old well pump to a fifty-five-gallon barrel of napalm. I read about that in the Midley Beacon.”

“Yes, that was from one of the turkey farmers who survived.”

As they settled down in a duck blind to watch the fence from fifty yards away, Sam asked, “Steve, did you have any zombie turkeys out here?”

“Yeah, we got one flock come through before Thanksgiving, but the flamethrower did the trick. I’d say I owe you one, Sam.”

The Attack

They watched the fence in the light of the setting half-moon. Out of the woods galloped a huge shape. Its eyes glowed red. It accelerated and hit the fence head-down. Sparks flew as the electric fence wires snapped. The steel fence slammed into the reinforced cinderblocks. The blocks and the concrete cracked and bent but didn’t break. The steel rebar held.

“What is that?” Sam cried “It’s a zombie something.

“I think—” Steve was cut off as the thing slammed into the fence again and again, like a horizontal jackhammer. With each blow, chips of concrete and cinder blocks flew yards from the back of the fence, hitting the blind like shrapnel.

“I think it’s going to break through!” Sam said.

The rebar bowed more and more as the concrete and cinderblocks crumbled beneath the massive blows. Then like a spring, a whole section popped out of the gravel that once was solid. The creature followed with a snort and a bellow.

“It’s a bull!”

“A zombie bull!”

Simultaneously, they sprayed the huge bovine with their flamethrowers.

Crazed, dazzled, and maddened by the flames, the bull ran in circles and then fled back to the woods. They could trace its path by the burning underbrush in its wake.

“OK, it’s time to see if this salt buckshot works.” Sam checked the magazine of the shotgun Steve had given him. He found it full and trailed the bull’s fiery tracks, carrying the shotgun.

“It worked on the zombie turkeys, but I don’t know about this bull.”

“There’s only one way to find out. Try it. Maybe we’ll find it sleeping.”

Here Ends Your Thirteenth Literary Gift


Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like Zombie Dectective, you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.