Posted on Leave a comment

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – My Gift

Villain's Vacation cover What is it like?

Villain’s Vacation Begins – Chapter 1 It’s my gift for you, Enjoy these free excerpts! I love my readers, each one of them,

Enjoy chapter 1 of my book Villain’s Vacation. In it, four seventh graders with four different disabilities and four different superpowers go to a coaster park. Too bad their worst enemy is there, out for revenge. Merry Christmas to all!

P.S. I give away free books for any reviews on this book. Just click here and send me a link to your review.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Dancer

What Do Readers Think
Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 1 icon of Villain’s Vacation

How fascinating! This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.

Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.

He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day Dancer had noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps which then formed more patterns. Then he started listening to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother and sometimes by his father.

Dancer had learned to understand Jeremy and his parents, and then he’d put the terms they said with the clumps on the paper. Each letter had a sound, and together they formed clumps his master called “words.” The idea was brilliant. No wonder they were his owners and he was only a hamster.

Dancer read each paper eagerly to the point of memorizing it, but reading started to bore him. Jeremy only changed the lining about once a week. So he’d watched Jeremy open and close his cage door. Then he copied the motion, using his paws and nose. He left to search for more words to read.

Dancer found a treasure trove. This bookshelf was one of six in the lower level of his master’s big cage. Dancer decided to explore upstairs when he finished the books down here. He wasn’t even done with this shelf yet.

Part 2

Rollercoaster Adventure
Villain's Vacation Begins
Hamster vs Squirrel

The books he read so far were Jeremy’s old schoolbooks, all marked up by Jeremy. Dancer could smell Jeremy’s scent on them. He’d learned about books called “fiction,” which were stories humans invented. Humans organized fiction by author, not topic, like nonfiction. Now, he’d look for these fiction books.

He scanned the shelf above the schoolbooks. Some of the hardbacks had names on the binding. Those were the authors. Wells, Yellen, Zach. That was alphabetical—maybe these were fiction books. He climbed to the second shelf and pulled the Zach one—Zombie Turkeys—out of its place.

 Soon he so was engrossed, he hardly heard the front door open. Jeremy was home! Dancer had to get back in his cage. Using his paws and mouth, he jammed the Your Sixth Year Reader and Zombie Turkeys back onto the shelf and scampered across Jeremy’s lab. He shinnied up the table leg to his cage, flipped the sliding door up with his nose, and squeezed in.

Jeremy rolled into the room in his electric wheelchair, with his friend Dan Elanga holding the back of it.

“Hi, Dancer! You’re up to greet me! Look, Dan. He’s standing up against his door.”

“He does look like he’s greeting you.” Dan wasn’t even looking at Dancer. Dancer knew he was using his telepathic power to see through Jeremy’s eyes.

Jeremy picked up Dancer and petted him. Dancer smelled Jeremy’s familiar scent. Someday he’d have to tell Jeremy that he’d learned to read. But how?

This Andy Zach seemed to know a lot about animals, at least zombie turkeys. Maybe he’d give Dancer some ideas.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 3

After Jeremy and his parents left the next day, Dancer finished Zombie Turkeys and learned about zombie squirrels, rabbits, cows, and people. They were weird, but not any weirder than what he read about people in the newspaper. Humans did all kinds of crazy things. He didn’t even know if Zombie Turkeys was fiction or not. Or was the newspaper fiction? Nothing was marked. There was so much he didn’t know.

Dancer noticed a contact email for Andy Zach in his book. He climbed on Jeremy’s computer desk. Dancer had played with the computer once before and found it confusing. Now he had a purpose: send an email to Andy Zach.

The hamster pushed the mouse with his front paws until the arrow on the screen was over the circle with the three colors. He had seen Jeremy do this to send an email many times. Dancer clicked it with his nose. A window opened. Now, what do I have to click next?

He read everything on that window. Bookmarks, 120 unread, News, My Drive, Blog. Hmmm … 120 unread what? His nose clicked on the mouse.

Mail. Found it! Now, how to write one? Again Dancer read everything. A rectangle with one word, “Compose.” That means to write music. Could it mean write an email? Words often have more than one meaning. He clicked it.

The window changed. It now showed:

From: Jeremy Gentle

To: (blank rectangle)

Subject: (blank rectangle)

Then there was a big blank space. Another rectangle with the word “Send” appeared at the bottom.

Dancer breathed faster like he was racing on the wheel in his cage. This is it! Carefully, he placed his paw on each letter on the keyboard: [email protected]. He’d memorized Andy Zach’s email address from his book.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 4

Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 4 icon

 Dancer pushed the mouse and clicked through to the next rectangle.

Subject: how do i tell my owner i can read q.

He couldn’t type uppercase symbols like the question mark or capital letters. In desperation, he used a q for the question mark.

That didn’t seem quite right, but he couldn’t think of any other way to put his question. Andy was an author. He should be good with words. I’m sure he’ll understand.

What should I say to Andy? Just tell him the truth.

andy,

i’m a hamster. i learned to read. how do i tell my owner, jeremy gentle q i can’t talk. please help.

dancer

That seemed to cover everything. The letters weren’t quite right since he couldn’t figure out how to capitalize, but it probably didn’t matter. He also shortened “question” to “q.” That didn’t seem any more confusing than “?”. He pressed Send and went to read the rest of Jeremy’s bookshelf.

As he spun his wheel that evening, Dancer thought, How will I know if Andy responds? I suppose the unread emails will go to 121. I’ll just have to check in the morning.

Worn out from worry and wheeling, Dancer nested in his cedar shavings and went to sleep.

* * *

After Jeremy and his parents closed the front door the next morning, Dancer raced out of his cage to the computer desk. Opening the window, Dancer saw 123 unread emails. He scanned them. One subject read, “To Dancer, care of Jeremy Gentle.” From Andy Zach. That was for him! He opened the email, twitching his whiskers with eagerness.

Hi Jeremy and Dancer,

If this is Jeremy reading this email, read the attached email and you’ll understand. It’s from your hamster, Dancer.

If this is Dancer, pay close attention.

Part 5

Villain’s Vacation Chapter 5 icon

Your email fascinated me. Proceeding on the assumption this is not a hoax, here’s what I recommend.

First, keep reading and learning about the world of humans. No matter how much you know, it isn’t enough. We’re weird and dangerous.

Second, you’ll have to wait until I finish my Secret Supers book tour. Then I’ll come to Maryville and personally introduce you as an intelligent hamster to Jeremy and his friends. I’m sure they’ll be happy to meet you and be friends.

Third, if you want to keep this secret, delete this email after you read it. Don’t send me any more. Jeremy can read them.

I look forward to meeting you, Dancer!

Your friendly paranormal animal author,

Andy Zach

Where was the Delete button? The hamster moused around the screen, hoping for a pop-up instruction. He went over a rounded rectangle with lines. “Trash” appeared. He clicked it, and the email deleted.

Whew! Computers puzzled him. But Dancer hoped Andy would know what to do with Jeremy and his parents. He had plenty to learn while waiting. He’d caught up to Jeremy in English. What subjects should he try next?

There was this group of books called “Encyclopedia” on the bottom shelf of one of the bookcases. He’d avoided them because they were so big and heavy. But he’d just learned the meaning of “encyclopedia” in Jeremy’s seventh-grade English book. It meant a collection of books that contained all knowledge. Just what I need.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 6

Villain's Vacation Begins
Chapter 6 icon

Too bad he couldn’t read an encyclopedia on the computer. He didn’t think he could put the big book away. He scanned the screen again for “Encyclopedia.” Nothing. What’s this? A round symbol with a blank for typing. He put the mouse arrow over it, and the word “Search” appeared.

He carefully typed “encyclopedia” in the blank, then clicked the symbol. A new window popped up. “Free encyclopedia online” the first line read.

“how long do book tours last,” he typed.

He read several articles, with no clear answer. It seems questions don’t always have one answer. Some authors never stop touring. Others do it for weeks or months. Too bad he didn’t ask Andy how long he’d be on tour.

 Under “Popular Topics,” he saw “Abraham Lincoln,” a name Dancer recognized from Jeremy’s schoolbooks. He began reading. So much to learn!

* * *

Lincoln fascinated him, and his history showed how dangerous humans could be. As a break from the violence, Dancer read about hamsters. There were seventeen types or species. They lived in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East.

 The world was enormous. What he could see out the windows was the least of it. Dancer felt an urge to explore his neighborhood. How long did he have before Jeremy returned? He glanced at the clock. Twelve thirty. He had four hours.

He’d learned to tell time from Jeremy’s first-grade math book. Once he’d gotten past addition and subtraction, he’d been confused, but clocks were a great invention of humans.

Dancer went out the doggy door, followed by Jeremy’s black lab, Diesel. He sniffed Dancer curiously and then went about his business.

Villain’s Vacation Begins Chapter 1 – Part 7

What is novel Writing Like
Jeremy is captured by a robot in Villain’s Vacation

Dancer explored the backyard and then slipped easily under the gate in the fence. He loved the fresh air and exploring… Ooh! What’s that?

A small striped animal ran up to him. Dancer concentrated and remembered the word for it … chipmunk. It looked like the picture in Jeremy’s book. Except this chipmunk had a metal cap on its head. Odd.

After staring at him, the chipmunk ran off as fast as it’d arrived. He’d have to ask Andy Zach about this when he saw him.

Dancer completed his circumnavigation of Jeremy’s property and returned through the doggy door. Diesel raised a sleepy head as Dancer entered, and then the dog lay back down. Dancer felt proud, a little like that human Magellan he’d read about. Maybe later he’d have a chance to go around the world with Jeremy.

But now he was tired. He reached for Andy Zach’s next book, My Undead Mother-In-Law, and snuggled up for a good read. The story talked about human zombies and their problems and adventures. Then rats, snakes, monkeys, and chipmunks appeared with “metal yarmulkes.” What were those?

Back to the computer Dancer jogged. He learned a yarmulke was a small cap worn by observant Jews. Judaism was one of the many religions humans followed. Was Andy writing about Jewish animals?

Dancer’d never thought about religion himself. It was just one of the many things about people he didn’t understand. He trotted back to the book. What did Andy say about these animals with yarmulkes? Was the chipmunk he saw one of them?

Villain’s Vacation Begins – Part 8

Frantically, he read more of Andy’s book. There it was. The metal yarmulkes indicated cyborg-controlled animals. Another online dictionary check taught him a cyborg was a part-human—or animal—part-machine combination. In Andy’s book, a criminal controlled the cyborg animals.

Does that mean some criminal is using the chipmunk to spy on Jeremy? That’d be terrible! Now he trembled. Humans had always seemed so powerful, but when they turned to evil, they were dreadful. There was only one thing he could do. Back at the computer, he typed:

dear andy,

 i found a cyborg chipmunk outside jeremy’s house. i’m afraid it’s controlled by a criminal. what should i do q please answer quickly.

dancer

He sent the message and hurried back to finish Andy’s book before Jeremy returned.I

One Last Thing

Andy Zach in repose
My Undead Mother-in-law Free
Andy Zach in repose

If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already.

You can get the audiobook here. My wife likes my audiobooks more. Maybe you will too.

You can get an autographed book by clicking here.

Andy Zach

Posted on Leave a comment

What Happens When You Run out of your best seller?

2026 Future Predictions

What Happens When You Run out?
Front and back Cover of Magic Arrives

What Happens When You Run out of your best seller? That happened to me twice. Let me tell you the stories.

What Happens When You Run out? Story 1

I was at Ignite Peoria on August 8, 2026. Magic Arrives sold like hot cakes! I sold six, seven, eight in less than eight hours. After the eighth sale I noticed I had no more paperbacks left! This put me in a panic. (See story 2).

I thought I could sell the hardback at the paperback price: $17 instead of $21. But I was annoyed to lose $4 profit.

Then, in the last hour, someone asked to buy Magic Arrives. I was on pins and needles. Which format would they choose?

“Hardback please.”

Yes! I didn’t run out of books.

What Happens When You Run out? – The Lesson

Always plan for more sales. I had eight copies of the paperback and six copies of the hardback. For a 373 page book, that’s a lot of volume. But it wasn’t enough.

And keep track of your inventory. I have a spreadsheet I update after every book show. It shows how many books I have on hand. I double check it a couple of times per year with a physical count. And it’s still hard to have everything my customers want.

Three formats! Two sources!

From Amazon:

Click for ebook

Click for paperback

Finally, click for hardback

Autographed copies from me! Free shipping! I pay the taxes.

Click for paperback

Click for hardbback

What Happens When You Run out? Story 2

Zombie Turkeys covers
Front and back covers of Zombie Turkeys. Click to get.

This story is about my other best seller, Zombie Turkeys. That accounts for about a third of all my sales. Way back in 2019 I was at a nearby convention (one mile from home) and I was selling them like hotcakes. Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen. Wow! But I only had one copy left.

I called my wife. “Honey, go to the nearby bookstores and get the Zombie Turkeys on consignment and bring them to me.” Since she loves me a lot, she did.

I had four or five more copies. Good thing; I sold two more copies.

Magic Arrives Excerpt – More Books After Magic Arrives

2026 Future Predictions
What Happens When You Run out?
Magic Arrives, Magic Wars, and Magic Rules spine art

I’ve got two more books coming in the series: Magic Wars and Magic Rules. I’ve started on Magic Wars already!

Here’s some cool spine art, courtesy of my illustrator, Sean Flanagan.

Let me know what you think by commenting here. CLICK!


One More Thing . . .

If you like my books, you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until the 12th Day of Christmas, January 6th.

Get your autographed copies of my of books by clicking here.

Psst! Audible lets you listen freely to my books. Click here right now to find out how.

Posted on Leave a comment

More Best Reviews of All Time

SciFi Fuel Paranormal Privateers

More Best Reviews of All Time – You may have noticed my last post Best Reviews of All Time, included only three books. I’ve published eleven. Here are the best reviews for three other books.

More Best Reviews of All Time – Paranormal Privateers

A virus did that?

SciFi Fuel Paranormal Privateers
More Best Reviews of All Time
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.

Ruth McLaughlin

February 9, 2020

Whew! Lots of stories within stories with a wink of incredulity as we read along the pages.

Tongue-in-cheek adventures, modern day villains’, and zombies; wait, are they still zombies or not? Yep, we have that zombie virus run amok with various creations to transform them back and forth.

How much of a zombie body do you need to regenerate?

Gung-ho leader of the group Diane Newby, husband George, are charging on fighting crime with the discreet eye of the government as their silent partners. Somali pirates, Harrod’s London Store with real bulls in the china shop, parasitic cyborgs, virus-antivirus, bacteria, and other minute details tangle the story line into a braided rug of conspiracies and innovative solutions.

And little do they know, but their arch enemy is among their group. 


Oops! Tales of the Zombie Apocalypse

What do zucchini, phoenix genetics, and superpowered kids have in common?

Oops! My SciFi latest science news What's New Science
Oops cover final medium

Ruth McLaughlin

March 18, 2020

As I expected, story time at Andy’s house must include a recorder to grasp the many directions and characters he develops in each book. This set of several stories are exciting in a novel manner of disbelief overlaid with a tinge of possibility.

How many people have tasted a hummingbird zombie zucchini, a superpowered set of disabled kids with an intelligent hamster as co-partner, a phoenix genetic research specialist, all these under one cover? Well, step right up and open page one!

Each story includes ideas from his zombie turkey series and, as always, a hint of something new to come! I laughed and soaked up the words, wanting more.

More Best Reviews of All Time – Secret Supers

Secret Supers: What happens when ‘differently-abled’ people become ‘super-abled’?

Intriguing Storyline

Secret Supers audiobook cover
Secret Supers audiobook

imageMama4

July 9, 2019

I read half of the book to my elementary age daughter and she loved it so much she finished the book without me!! She still talks about the characters and their unusual super powers

More Best Reviews of All Time – Get Books here

More Best Reviews of All Time

Click here to get an autographed copy now. I’ll autograph your copy for less cost than Amazon. I also pay for shipping and taxes.

Click here to get an ebook or paperback from Amazon.

For free audiobooks, click here to get them from me.

Leave your comments here.