“OK, Andy. You’re always giving away free stuff. That’s why I came here. Now tell me why you’re giving away your valuable, newly published book, in this Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book promotion.”
“I’m so glad you asked,” I said. “You see, I need book reviews as much as I need book sales. The more I get, the better I sell on Amazon. So a book review is nearly as good as a book sale.”
Andy Zach laughing at his jokes in his new novel My Undead Mother-in-law
“Don’t keep me on pins and needles! Let me know to get this free work before time runs out!”
Here’s How to Get the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book
“I know this has a deadline, Andy. Let us in on the secret deadline.”
“It’s not so secret. Presales for My Undead Mother-in-law end on August 4th. So does the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book offer for free copies for review.”
“Then we reviewers have to pay?”
“If you want to review, I’ll always send you a free copy. Just email me.”
Burning Hot Zombie Turkeys Graphic Novel News!
What do we have next? The Zombie Turkeys graphic novel application is under way! I’ve shown the first two pages before:
The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.
They’ll publish a never before published excerpt from Zombie Turkeys. Of course, you readers know it all.
And they interviewed me. Here it is coming up next:
Andy Zach Interview
Q1: It’s Thanksgiving. What is on your dinner table and why?
Deep fried turkey, in peanut oil, injected with jalapeno marinade–because it’s delicious and natural turkeys don’t have enough fat. It’s accompanied by sweet potatoes with butter, stuffing seasoned with sage and onion, crisp green beans stir fried with garlic, and freshly made cranberry sauce from scratch, with orange peel and cinnamon. All because they’re delicious and the more delicious the food is, the more thankful we are. That’s the point, after all. I have my favorite cabernet sauvignon as a beverage. Dessert is one pumpkin pie and one pecan pie, homemade, by my wife and daughter, respectively. Each is the mistress of her craft. These pie slices are reverently covered in fresh whipped cream (homemade, not from a can) and consumed with strong black coffee. These desserts are traditional and delightful beyond belief. If we could simply bring warring nations together for a meal like this, and agree to feed them thus daily, all war would cease.
Q2: What three items would you want with you if caught short by a zombie apocalypse and why?
First, a naginata or glaive, which is a six-foot spear suitable for stabbing or slicing. You want to kill and dismember zombies as far away as possible. Bows and guns run out of ammunition and I don’t trust my accuracy.
Second, a kukri knife. If a zombie gets past your spear, you’ll want a heavy knife to slice them up quickly and easily. I used to think a bowie knife was the best, but upon investigation, a kukri knife seems to have better mechanical advantage. See your local mechanical engineer.
Third, if all else fails, have a whole body suit made of kevlar. It’ll be hot and sweaty, but when the zombies come biting, you’ll want total protection, including a transparent helmet of mylar. You’ll thank me when you eviscerate the zombie that tried to bite you with your kukri knife.
Q3: How would you explain the difference between satire and reality?
Reality is what happens, whether anyone perceives it or not, anywhere in our space time continuum as depicted by Albert Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity, or outside of that.
Satire is a means of portraying reality by exaggerating certain features in a humorous way. For example, you can portray Congress as immobilized by competing factions for years while people are dying; wait, that’s already happening! As I said, satire is hard, because sometimes reality is difficult to exaggerate. This is where the satirist earns his or her money by portraying a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion which is lost due to political infighting. If you can’t exaggerate one insanity, add another one. For example, Jonathan Swift, in a “Modest Proposal” portrays the political infighting of the time over the ‘Irish Problem’ and gently suggests cannibalism.
A Final Note
This blog is run by my Facebook friend and author E.M. Swift-hook. Check out her Amazon page to her books.
The New Book Coming My Undead Mother-in-law is now uploaded to Amazon. It’s not quite ready for sale–but that’s coming. You can read it right now, for free.
New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Here’s How
First, let me tell you a little about My Undead Mother-in-law. It’s volume 2 of my Life After Life Chronicles. It follows the comic urban fantasy Zombie Turkeys. My advance readers all felt this novel is better than Zombie Turkeys. If you liked that, you’ll love volume 2.
What’s in the New Book Coming
Unlike Zombie Turkeys, I focus on people becoming zombies. And unlike Zombie Turkeys, the villain is not a turkey. Just read the book blurb:
My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues.
My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her own way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby?
The world divides into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die?
You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Andy Zach held the latest drawing today. His pet phoenix picked out the latest Book Winner. Is it you? If it is, you can select the paranormal comic urban fantasy Zombie Turkeys print or ebook or graphic novel, like the first two pages below:
The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.
Or you can select the Zombie Turkeys audiobook. Or you can select the soon-to-be-published My Undead Mother-in-law.
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.
The winners for the past five months are:
Winner
2/28/2017
4/1/2017
5/9/2017
6/1/2017
7/6/2017
Name
Kathi
neethu.ohm
Brenda
Sally
Belinda
Kathi selected a new print copy of My Undead Mother-in-law. The other winners have yet to weigh in. What about you? We have a monthly drawing here for you and all your friends who subscribe. (Click here and enter your email.) Or you can just contact me and I’ll subscribe you myself! (Click here to reach me with your email.)
Happy Independence Day!
And if that’s not wild enough, try this:
My real mother-in-law heard Horowitz perform this while she was a little girl in Buffalo NY.
Four Tips on How to Blog, Write, and Publish
For the Fourth of July I have four tips on blogging, writing, and publishing. First, consider how to become a successful blogger. Here’s the tip:
How to Write Well and Publish Right
Here’s another useful book on Amazon, written by another fellow author. This is my second tip on writing. (Click here)
Thirdly, we have this useful article on pacing in your writing:
The fourth tip I have for you is on self-publishing:
New Fantasy Book Review
Then there’s this new review I wrote this week on fellow author Pauline Marquez’s book, “Worlds of Earth”
The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.![Write Well Publish Right by [Moebius, Lucinda]](https://i0.wp.com/images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51gldoIQpjL.jpg?w=980&ssl=1)
![The Worlds of Earth (The Great Portal Wars Trilogy Book 1) by [Marquez, Pauline]](https://i0.wp.com/images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51a8fbBIW8L.jpg?w=980&ssl=1)