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Oops! You Get Double Gifts for Advent Days 9 and 10 – My Mistake

Oops! My SciFi latest science news What's New Science
Meet My Characters
Oops! back cover

Oops! You Get Double Gifts for Advent Days 9 and 10 – My Mistake. I meant to publish a post every day of Advent and give you something–but I missed yesterday. So, I’ll give you twice as much today!

My theme is Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse!which you can get by clicking here. It’ll be on sale for .99 from 12/15 to 12/22. But you want free stuff. Let’s first describe what you’re going to get:

Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.

The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.

Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul

Oops! You Get Double Gifts! Short Stories Advent Days 9 and 10

Here are the chapter icons for Oops, with the main character’s introduction.

A queen from long ago

Oops! You Get  Double Gifts

The Story of Sound

One queen saw the problem more clearly than anyone else. Her king and prince had both drowned only a short distance from the shore because no one saw them signing for help. The queen sat vigil all night long, and in the morning she sent heralds with large signs in every language to all the humans, elves, dwarves, fairies, leprechauns, and even a dragon. She pled with all to find something that would let creatures communicate without signs or gestures when they couldn’t see each other. She promised she would give whatever was in her power to whoever could accomplish this.

Andy Zach during his doctoral research – Your first free story A Phoenix Tale

Oops! My SciFi
Oops! You Get  Double Gifts
A Phoenix Tale

I left the air-conditioned comfort of the taxi, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the old bazaar in Jeddah assailed me: a robe-clad man on camel plodded by, an adjacent fishmonger added his smell to the fresh dung in the street, and the hawkers yelled their wares.

I could only speak Arabic at a middle school level, but as I strolled through the bazaar, I heard “Fresh dates!”…”Highest quality rugs!”…”Finest gold jewelry!”… “Ancient books! The rarest in Saudi Arabia!”

My head snapped around. A bald, stumpy man in a white caftan saw me look and said, “Books? You want ancient books?”

“Yes.” I spoke carefully, knowing my poor accent. “Can you speak English?” I didn’t have much hope.

“Of course, my friend. Come into my shop.”

Click for your free short story.


Brice Butterworth, a genetic engineer from Gift #2 – In a Pickle

Oops! You Get  Double Gifts

Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.

But keeping his job required it. Brice was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.

He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.

Read more here: In a Pickle

Oops! You Get Double Gifts, Gift #3 – The Butterfly Effect

Oops! You Get  Double Gifts

“Whatcha doing, Brice?” asked my boss Wilma O’Reilly after sneaking up behind me.

I jumped. As usual, I was cruising the internet, bored with my job. How awkward.

We worked at Vegan Inc., an agricultural conglomerate. I was their lead geneticist in charge of enhancing the qualities of the corporation’s vegetable products through genetic modification.

Read more here: The Butterfly Effect

Tell Me What you Think of Oops! You Get Double Gifts

Let me know what you think of my gifts for you by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

You can get an autographed copy of Oops! directly from me by clicking here. Free shipping and I pay the sales tax.

Or you can get it on Amazon for .12.95. or $2.99 .)

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here. You also get all my audiobooks for free!

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.

Move short stories to come in my next post! This is a double header!

Check out my past Advent gifts listed below:

  1. Advent Day 1 – Get Your Free Copy of Secret Supers on Advent Day 1

2. Advent Day 2 – Grab Villain’s Vacation for 67% Off, For Advent Day 2

4. Advent Day 4 –Three Free Excerpts from Three Secret Supers Books – Advent 4

5. Advent Day 5 – Get Your Free Copy of My Most Popular Book–Advent Day 5

6. Advent Day 6 – Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Advent 6

7. Advent Day 7 –Meet My Undead Mother-in-law My Gift for Advent 7

8. Advent Day 8 – Paranormal Privateers Is Your Wildest Ride — Get Your Excerpt

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Meet My Undead Mother-in-law My Gift for Advent 7

My Undead Mother-in-law back cover

Meet My Undead Mother-in-law as Your Gift! I’m giving you everything I have about this delightful, middle-aged, zombie woman with anger management issues. This is every excerpt I have on her throughout my eight-year career as a self-published author.

Here’s an info dump on Diane Newby, the undead mother-in-law.

My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues. My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.

But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby? The world is divided into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die? You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.

Continue reading Meet My Undead Mother-in-law My Gift for Advent 7
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Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Advent 6

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts! Enjoy these as my Advent day 6 gift to you!

Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

Do you want excerpt 1? Meet the Zombie Detective Sam Melvin –

To give you the background on Zombie Detective, here are 3 excerpts from my first book, Zombie Turkeys.

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Excerpt 1

First, let me give you the first description of Sam in Zombie Turkeys.

Bill looked up as a man came in—average height, maybe five-nine, medium build, not fat, not skinny, roundish face, hazel eyes, and brown hair. He would be hard to remember. But Bill had known him all his life.

Sam Melvin, the reporter for Midley Beacon, dropped in for his daily chat. Sam and Bill had been friends since elementary school, and they had both stayed around Midley all their lives. Bill, a short, stocky guy with blondish hair, had gone off to school and become a coroner.

Zombie Detective  cover
Zombie Detective cover

Sam had stayed in Midley after high school, doing odd jobs, until he got on with the Midley Beacon. As a reporter and blogger for a small-town weekly paper, Sam wasn’t especially busy, and he liked to socialize.

Click to get it!

I have another Sam Melvin excerpt from Zombie Detective lower in this post.

Meet Sam Melvin’s High School Sweetheart

Here’s Sam’s view of Lisa Kambacher ten years after high school, when he was working for her as a reporter for the weekly newspaper, The Midley Beacon.

Zombie Detective Sam Melvin
Karen Yardley

“Keep it down,” growled Lisa Kambacher, his boss and the editor of the Midley Beacon, and the only other employee at the small weekly newspaper. “I’m busy editing your crap.”

Sam swiveled his ancient, uncomfortable office chair from his laptop so he faced Lisa. He’d garbage-picked that chair from his neighbor in Midley when he was hired fifteen years ago. Her thin face, framed in brown hair, peered at the computer screen.

Lisa’s dark-brown eyes stared intently at what she was editing. Maybe it was the piece Sam had written about Mrs. Huntington and her award-winning afghans. He hadn’t enjoyed reporting that; he couldn’t imagine she’d like editing it.

Zombie Detective Sam Melvin’s First Meeting With Lisa

After typing up his story and sending it to Lisa for editing, he stared at her.

Because of his good grades, Sam’s high school English teacher had suggested he volunteer for the school paper. He’d gone to the newspaper “office,” a walk-in closet, and had seen a tall, slender girl pounding away on an old IBM PC. She’d looked up sharply, scowled, and said, “What do you want? Do you have a story?”

“Uh, um, I’d like to work for the newspaper.”

“Hmmm. I could use a reporter. Let me test you out. There’s a track meet today after school. Go to it. Get all the winners and losers and their feelings.Our readers care about them.Write it up, and report back to me here by seven p.m.”

“You’ll still be here at that time?” Sam asked incredulously.

“Of course. I’m the editor and head reporter and writer. I’ve got twenty stories to write, and I’ve got to report on the tennis match after school today. I expect you to work just as hard, if you want to stay on.”

“Uh, OK.”

“What’s your name, anyway?”

“Sam Melvin.”

“Sam, I’m Lisa Kambacher. Do what I say, and we’ll get along fine. Cross me, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”

Do you want excerpt 2? Click to read Secret Blog Post – Excerpt of Zombie Detective

Do you want to listen to the audiobook? Click here for Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview.

P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.

Chapter 3 – Turkeys

Secret Blog Post
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys

“Me too. Now that’s over, let’s talk business. About Maryland.”

“What’s going on, Lisa?”

“After the zombie turkey apocalypse, they kept a flock of wild zombie turkeys for hunters. Maryland’s gotten great tourist trade from that. The recent bad weather on the East Coast has kept the hunters down, and the turkeys are out of control. They’re hunting people in the suburbs of Hagerstown.”

“What can I do about that? That’s a problem for the National Guard. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

“Yes, I know. The governor, Mary Landis, called me begging for your help. They can’t find the turkeys. I promised her that you’ve got a nose for zombie turkeys and you’ll find their hideouts in no time flat. They’re paying you two thousand per day for this, so don’t screw up. I’ve booked an evening flight to Hagerstown from the Peoria airport at six p.m. That gives you an hour to get there. Starting now.”

Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Part 2


The captain put up a map on the wall-sized video screen. It was dotted with little black symbols and bigger red ones. Looking closely, Sam saw they were miniature turkeys.

“The small black symbols are where we’ve found turkeys. The large red ones are where we fought them. The battles are all on the west side of Hagerstown. And so are all the turkeys we’ve found in the woods.”

Sam walked to the screen and peered closely at the symbols. “Hmmm. Look at the turkey attacks, Captain. Do you see the pattern?”

“It’s kind of a semicircular tangent to Hagerstown. What does that mean?”

“See this attack near Cearfoss Pike? Then this one on Fairview Road? Look how they follow the Conococheague Creek. All these attacks in Fairview Acres—it’s surrounded by a big loop of the creek.”

“So they’re following the creek.”

“Yes. Even zombie turkeys need water. And I’m sure there are lots of trees and brush around it.”

“So much so we haven’t bothered investigating the banks.”

“That’s where we’ll go then.”

From Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Part 3

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3

After killing hundreds of hibernating turkeys later, they got a comm: “All units proceed to MD-40. Major turkey attack underway in Cearfoss, Maryland.”

“Crap. That’s past their previous attack in Fairview Acres. They’re getting closer to Hagerstown,” Jeff said.

Sam gunned the engine, and they mushed uphill to the access road where the MRAP awaited them. Jimmy trotted behind them. Another MRAP picked up Amy.

Sam drove a quarter-mile into the woods, when the first zombie turkey flew into his face, spurs first. They scratched the tough Plexiglas on his helmet.

“Gobble! Gobble!”

Sam speared the bird on his twelve-inch knife and continued to plow toward the MRAP. Hundreds of turkeys descended from the trees. Sam ran over some, pounding them into the snow. Jeff shot them with his M4 carbine. Sam again gunned the engine as he hit level ground. The flock followed them, pecking at their backs, as they hunkered down on the eight-wheeled vehicle.

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Part 4

First Draft Complete
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters

Sam had often thought zombie turkey victims looked like they had been assaulted by hundreds of pickaxes. Now he felt their beaks cut through his parka, slowly bleeding him to death. The cold air congealed his blood quickly. Next to him, Jeff had fixed a bayonet on his M4 carbine and sliced wildly, beating off the turkeys.

He saw the MRAP ahead and sped toward it. The flamethrower shot liquid flame over his head. He felt the heat on his exposed bloody skin.

Weak and faint from blood loss, Sam parked next to the MRAP as the flames shot out overhead. Jeff jumped out and opened the rear of the vehicle. Sam fell off into the soft snow between the vehicles. His last sight before losing consciousness was a huge tom turkey stalking toward him.

“Gobble! Gobble!”

If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already. As a bonus for signing up for my newsletter, you’ll be able to get codes for free audiobooks. Get yours today!

Andy Zach

Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – More gifts below!

Andy Zach in repose
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3
Andy Zach in repose
  1. Advent Day 1 – Get Your Free Copy of Secret Supers on Advent Day 1

2. Advent Day 2 – Grab Villain’s Vacation for 67% Off, For Advent Day 2

4. Advent Day 4 –Three Free Excerpts from Three Secret Supers Books – Advent 4

5.Advent Day 5 – Get Your Free Copy of My Most Popular Book–Advent Day 5