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Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook

Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview – My latest book Zombie Detective is on sale. (Click here to get it before the sale ends) I’m giving you a preview of this audiobook! This is the first time I’ve EVER uploaded a pre-production version of any audiobook.

Now, this audiobook won’t be published until Christmas. If you’re dying to hear more of this story, check out the other audiobooks in the Life After Life Chronicles series. I list them below.

Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired–by his wife, Lisa. Their paper, The Midley Beacon, is barely surviving. How will they make ends meet?

Sam decides to give being a detective a try. He advertises his business–but his zombie experience comes with it. All across the country, people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. But can his experience with zombie turkeys transfer?

Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures–and so will you when you read this book. See if you can keep from dying from laughter.

From Zombie Detective

Zombie Turkeys – The Zombie Detective Audiobook Story Begins

2021 Reviews Zombie Turkeys Audible
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country.

Sam’s editor, Lisa Kambacher, snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes.

Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.

From Zombie Turkeys

See all my Zombie Turkeys audiobook reviews by clicking here.

Zombiism Spreads to Humans in My Undead Mother-in-law

My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues.

My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being – with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her own way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.

But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby?

The world divides into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die?

You might not survive this audiobook. But at least you’ll die laughing.

From Audible

The End of the Chronicles – so far

Zombies charge first, ask questions later.

Middle-aged, overweight, and undead, Diane Newby leads the paranormal privateers against criminals and corruption. Sailing to trouble spots too sensitive for the US government, with zombie strength and regeneration they beat bullies into submission. Aided by zombie turkeys, corgis, and bulls, vicious criminal geniuses fall before them. If Diane gets overwhelmed by foes, her lovely zombie bodyguards and romantic zombie husband come to the rescue.

Out of the blue, new foes appear. Or are they friends? Or both? The frenemies neutralize zombies and orchestrate world peace. They disrupt the economy and produce fabulous wealth. Even the greatest criminals and governments can’t stop them from dominating the world.

Can humanity afford the price of peace? All must surrender freedom to a not-so-benign dictatorship. Diane and the paranormal privateers must do the unthinkable to save humanity. But is it enough?

In an explosive and unconventional ending to Andy Zach’s Life After Life Chronicles, you will learn what happens when the paranormal privateers meet the world’s greatest fear. And you will laugh all the way.

From Audible Click to listen.

Yet More Zombie Detective Audiobook Goodness

How can there be more to the Chronicles than the last book–so far? How about a collection of short stories, assembled from before, during and after the Chronicles? Here they are.

Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.

The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years – from aliens.

Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul.

From Audible. Click to listen.

Since You’ve Read This Far, I Have a Gift for You

What is it? ALL my audiobooks, including Zombie Detective, for free!

Just click here to get them.

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August’s Best Content for You from Andy Zach

Best Content for you is right here. Of course, we must start with “Bears on a Plane”. The question for you is, a short story or a novel? Tell me and I’ll send you a copy. If not this short story, then another one.

By the way, I have more short stories for you below.

What can top ‘Bears on a Plane’?

I grew up in Cleveland and so did Tim Conway. We watched him on the Carol Burnette Show. He never failed to crack up his fellow comedians.

Going on, I also found this amazing video: Mars’ entire 24-hour rotation.

More Great Content from the Internet

Author E.M. Swift-Hook was kind enough to share an excerpt of my book Zombie Turkeys on her blog. Here it is:

Excerpt from Zombie Turkeys, by Andy Zach.

CHAPTER 2 – EDWARDS

He felt great, full of energy. He led his flock out of the woods. Now there was another field in front of them, with a large barnlike structure on it. Maybe it was another turkey barn!He’d go free them and gain more members for his flock. They had acquired more wild turkey flocks during their march. Now twelve thousand strong, they charged the barnlike structure.

* * *

The Caterpillar Edwards Dealer Education facility was preparing for a big customer demonstration. A large 390F backhoe was digging trenches and D-11 and D-10 tractors were filling them in—inside the voluminous demonstration building. It was only 7:30 a.m., but they had a scripted and choreographed performance to practice, showing the capabilities of the company’s huge machines. Part of script was for the 390s to dig a huge trench, have a small D-4 tractor go into it and smooth it out, and then have the big D-11s fill it back in. Then an enormous flock of turkeys entered through the open arena door. “Gobble! Gobble!”

That was not in the script.

Read more at E.M. Swift-Hook’s page here

You’re Not Done With Great Content

Good news! You’ve got another free excerpt below. It’s my short story ‘In A Pickle’ from my book Oops!

Yes, this is an eMagazine with lots of stories by lots of authors–including me. Here’s my short story icon:

The death of an egg. Always a sobering topic. He’ll be savored long after he’s gone.

How About a Hypersonic Jet for You?

The SR-71 was one of my favorite planes of all time. Top speed of around 3,000 mph (4,800 kph for you metric folks.) Here’s a possible successor which is planned to go at twice the speed, up to Mach 8.

I now take you from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Is this next video ridiculous or sublime? Or just history? Or just fun?

Bye for now! If you find any great content, let me know and I’ll send you a free book.

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My Most Romantic Story – and a Gift for You

My Most Romantic Story – this’ll be the first time I’ve shared this story with you. I wrote it especially for this weekend. But it isn’t your gift. Your gift is at the end of this blog post.

Go ahead. Scroll down past the romantic story to see it, if you want.

My Most Romantic Story – For Valentine’s Day

He was hyper. His dream of marriage was finally coming true. He couldn’t believe she’d said ‘yes’, back in February when he proposed. Now it was June, a week before their wedding day.

She was gorgeous. Red-haired and petite, she’d fit nicely in his lap.

Stock photo, public domain

They had to buy their marriage license from the courthouse. Their minister would sign it after their wedding. They’d do that this week on Wednesday.

But today was Monday. Now he’d activate his plan. He’d surprise his fiancee with a gift she didn’t expect. They’d already bought each other’s wedding rings and her engagement ring. They’d been practical, with the two of them looking over the jeweler’s wares, picking the rings they wanted.

She was really practical. He loved that, since he tended to be highly romantic. She’d be a good balance for him.

He called the store and give very careful, precise instructions for the coming week. She’d never expect this. Not only was he romantic, he had a wild imagination.

He waited eagerly for her call. She called him daily from her job as an office manager to his cubicle where he worked as a programmer.

After lunch, she called.

My Most Romantic Story – Part 2

“You mushball!”

“Did you like the rose and the poem?”

“Of course I did.”

“I wanted to do something special for you this week.”

“A single long stemmed rose.”

“And a poem. I’m an amateur, but sincere.”

“I know.”

My Most Romantic Story
Long-stemmed rose

The next day, she called again.

“Two roses! And another poem.”

“Were you surprised?”

“Yes. Am I going to get twelve roses, eventually?”

“Could be. You’ll have to wait and see.”

Then on Wednesday I answered the phone and heard, “I got your four roses and poem today. Everyone in the office is going nuts.”

“Good. I wanted to create a sensation.”

“Well, it’s working. Everyone says you’re so romantic.”

“What about you?”

“I think I’m getting a steal. I don’t know why the other girls didn’t go for you.”

“Probably because I was wearing off my rough edges on them. I was dating for ten years before I met you. I know I wasn’t ready for marriage.”

“I’ve got you. That’s all that matters.”

My Most Romantic Story

The Conclusion

The following day she called. “I got twelve roses today. And your poem. What’ll happen tomorrow?”

“Wait and see. Tonight’s the rehearsal.”

“Yes. I can’t believe we need to do all this.”

“Its traditional. And afterward we’ll have a nice dinner together, our two families.”

“Your family is so different from mine.”

“I think my family’s closer to normal than yours.”

“C’mon. My family’s normal!”

“Your mom and dad raised seven kids in eight and a half years. She breast-fed all of you through the 50s and 60s when that was not the thing to do. Your dad gave up promotions so he could come home and have lunch with you guys. That’s all unusual.”

“It didn’t seem odd.”

“Let’s see how odd we can be.”

On Friday, I picked up the phone and heard, “i think I liked this poem the most of all.”

“I worked the hardest on it. Poetry doesn’t come naturally to me.”

“I love it. All the girls are gushing in the office.”

“Am I impacting your productivity?”

“No. I can run this office in my sleep. What am I supposed to do with all these roses?”

“Whatever you want. Strew the petals over your bed.”

“Our bed. It sounds uncomfortable. And it’d be lot of work to take off the petals.”

“We’re getting married this weekend. Are you excited?”

“Of course.”

Your Own Valentine’s Gift from Me

My novel My Undead Mother-in-law begins on Valentine’s Day. I’ll give you a romantic excerpt I’ve never shared before.

George and Diane Newby are a normal, middle-aged couple who turn zombie. Note that my zombies don’t eat human flesh. Rather, they regenerate from injuries very fast, as their zombie bacteria copy their cells and replace them. As a side effect, their eyes turn bright, glowing red.

This excerpt falls between My Undead Mother-in-law and Paranormal Privateers. I tell it in the latter book as a flashback.

Through an unbelievable plot line, the Newby’s acquire a five-hundred foot superyacht in the first book.

Let me know what you think of my stories here, and I’ll send you a free Zombie Turkeys ebook. That’s the first in my series, The Life After Life Chronicles.

My Most Romantic Story
Back cover of My Undead Mother-in-law

I vividly remember the rechristening of the yacht, formerly named Rule Britannia, in January in New Orleans.

Diane had held the bottle of champagne at the boat dock and smashed it against the prow. The sheet covering the new name had slipped down, revealing Resolute Too—and the figurehead.

“George, is that supposed to be me?” Diane yelled in excitement.

“Of course, Diane. Can’t you see the resemblance?”

“Yes, in the face. She even has cat’s-eye glasses just like me. But she’s too buxom.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” I knew that part of her anatomy very well. The sculptor had actually made Diane’s waist narrower, which made her seem more buxom, but I hadn’t wanted to point that out.

From Paranormal Privateers
Back cover of Paranormal Privateers