Oops! My SciFi Short Story Book Is On Sale! But just for two more days, so quickly click here to get Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse!By ‘two more days’ I mean today, Friday March 24th and Saturday March 25th. The sale ends at 2 am Sunday March 26th.
I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got a free short story for you from the book.
But first, let me tell you about my short stories before you try one.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul
I haven’t done this before, but here’s the Table of Contents from the book. I’ve added the chapter icons too. They’re created by my illustrator Sean “Fuzzy” Flanagan.
Now you’re ready for your free short story that follows below.
What’s it about? What if you’re a genetic engineer and you decide to use zombie turkey DNA to make pickles grow? That’s the set up. Enjoy! Click here to read it.
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. He was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. And he couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
The situation: The aliens have just landed in a flying saucer on the White House lawn.
Now you’re ready for your free excerpt that follows below.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Flying saucer over Washington DC
Chapter 9 icon from Paranormal Privateers
Sam and Lisa craned their necks with thousands of others as the saucer descended to the cleared area on the lawn. A hundred feet across, of smooth, unbroken silvery metal, it looked more like a lens than a saucer, with a smooth convex curved top and bottom. It floated silently as a balloon and landed like a snowflake.
“Look! It’s opening!” Sam said.
The edge of the saucer split, revealing a ramp to the interior. The alien ambassador Micah Rigby came out, holding both hands up in a gesture of peace. Tied to each of his wrists were silver strings, which pulled along two large red balloons. Hanging from the balloons were gaily wrapped packages.
“Greetings, Earthlings and my fellow Americans!” Micah Rigby spoke from the bottom of the ramp. Although he didn’t have a microphone, Sam and Lisa clearly heard him from a hundred feet away.
“The Old Ones send along two gifts for the President. We learned from Klaatu, who got shot for bearing a gift. I suggested the balloons and wrapping to show the gifts are not dangerous.”
“May I approach the president?”
“C’mon up, Ambassador Rigby!” boomed the President through the speakers.
Ambassador Rigby walked across the lawn and up the steps to the platform, balloons and presents bobbing merrily behind him.
“Here’s the Old Ones’ first gift for you.” He unwrapped the pink-and-yellow-striped package. It looked like a small silver phone. Micah handed it to the president and gave the balloon to the Secret Service agent next to the president. “You can give the balloon to your daughter, Agent Smith.”
Startled, the agent took the balloon.
Meet My Aliens from Paranormal Privateers
“Mr. President, this is a voice-activated cell phone. Simply speak the person’s name and you can see them and talk with them.”
“That’s like our cell phones.”
“The Old Ones copied the normal cell phone voice interface. However, the person you call does not have to have a phone at all! If you wish, your image can be projected to them.”
“Amazing!”
“Also, this phone is not limited by distance, nor can the signals be blocked. Finally, if you say ‘Old Ones,’ you can talk directly to them.”
“OK. Old Ones.”
Five translucent figures appeared near the president, all white-haired and bearded. One white, one black, one Asian, one Native American, and one brown race that might have been Middle Eastern.
“Greetings, Mr. President! How can we help you?”
“I wanted to see if you’d answer and what you looked like.”
“To be honest,” said the black one, “this is not how we look. These are merely our projected images. We use your races to show we are different to some extent like your races are different. White hair and beards symbolize our age.”
“What do you actually look like?” the President asked.
“We thought you might be curious,” said the Asian figure.
“That’s why we gave you the second gift,” said the Middle Eastern one.
“Here it is, Mr. President,” Micah said, handing him the larger orange-and-purple package.
The president unwrapped it and opened a sealed box. A cute furry caterpillar, with a head and face like a fox and long, furry pointed ears, quickly crawled out and up the president’s arm to his shoulder. It moved with a rippling motion. Squirrel-sized, it sat on his shoulder, licked his face, and purred contentedly.
Your Excerpt Concludes
“That tickles! You’re a cute little fellow, aren’t you? What are they called?”
“There are no equivalent species on earth, but we thought you might like them. They’re part of our ship’s ecology,” said the bearded white Old One. “You may call them anything you’d like, but we think they’re most like the Tribbles from Star Trek.”
“I can see that,” the president said.
“Minus the uncontrolled reproduction in the Star Trek episode!” The black Old One laughed. “These Tribble-like creatures must go back to the saucer each day for food. There are certain proteins they need they cannot get from your biosphere. We withhold the amino acids they need for reproduction.”
“They can eat harmful insects, flies, and mosquitoes, bed bugs, and cockroaches, but they cannot thrive or reproduce here,” added the brown Old One.
“So do you look like caterpillars, foxes, or Tribbles?” President Trump asked.
“It’s more of a metaphor than a literal appearance,” said the Caucasian.
“We want you to think of us as cute, warm, and fuzzy,” said the Asian.
“Will we ever get to see what you really look like?”
“It’s not necessary,” the five images answered in unison. “It has been pleasant talking with you, Mr. President. Our ambassador will discuss the trade arrangement we desire.”
The images disappeared.
My Aliens – What do you think?
What do you think of my aliens? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
Your Twenty-Fifth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Merry Christmas, you’ll enjoy this Christmasy excerpt from my non-fiction book, The Gospel Medley.
What happened between the visit of the shepherds to the manger and the visit of the wise men to the house? In this last of a two-part series, you’ll find out! Another momentous prophecy and testimony about Jesus soon after His birth.
That’s not all–my other twenty-four gifts are below for your reading pleasure, not just my twenty-fourth literary gift! You don’t have to unwrap them–just click on them.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
36 There was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher (she was of a great age, having lived with a husband seven years from her virginity, 37 and she had been a widow for about eighty-four years), who didn’t depart from the temple, worshiping with fastings and petitions night and day. 38 Coming up at that very hour, she gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all those who were looking for redemption in Jerusalem. 39 When they [Joseph and Mary had accomplished all things that were according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Galilee, to their own city, Nazareth.[1].
[1] Joseph and Mary eventually returned to Nazareth but moved to a house in Bethlehem by the time the wise men visited. Since Herod died in March of 4 BC, this episode had to take place before then but after Jesus’s birth. “All these things” included the circumcision (nine days) and the purification (thirty days) plus at least three days for travel and three days back. At least two months passed before they fled to Egypt. We know the wise men visited them while they resided in Bethlehem. After their flight to Egypt, they returned to Nazareth.
The Next Episode in Jesus’s Life
The four icons of the four gospels
The Flight to Egypt
Matthew 2:13–23
13 Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream, saying, “Arise and take the young child and His mother, and flee into Egypt, and stay there until I tell you, for Herod will seek the young child to destroy Him.”
14 He arose and took the young child and His mother by night, and departed into Egypt, 15 and was there until the death of Herod;
that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying, “Out of Egypt I called My Son.”[1]
Herod’s Slaughter
16 Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked by the wise men, was exceedingly angry, and sent out, and killed all the male children who were in Bethlehem and in all the surrounding countryside, from two years old and under, according to the exact time which he had learned from the wise men. 17 Then that which was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet was fulfilled, saying,
18 “A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children; she wouldn’t be comforted, because they are no more.”[2]
19 But when Herod was dead, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, saying, 20 “Arise and take the young child and his mother, and go into the land of Israel, for those who sought the young child’s life are dead.”
21 He arose and took the young child and his mother, and came into the land of Israel. 22 But when he heard that Archelaus was reigning over Judea in the place of his father, Herod, he was afraid to go there. Being warned in a dream, he withdrew into the region of Galilee, 23 and came and lived in a city called Nazareth; that it might be fulfilled which was spoken through the prophets: “He will be called a Nazarene.”
Footnotes from This Section
Back cover detail
[1]Hosea 11:1 – “When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.”
[2]Jeremiah 31:15 – Yahweh says: A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping, Rachel weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted for her children, because they are no more.
Your Twenty-Fifth Literary Gift Concludes
What do you think of your Twenty-Fifth Literary gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
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