“Don’t ridicle me!” That was one of the cute sayings my mother-in-law taught our children. She said that when she grew up in the 30s. (Note: she is NOT My Undead Mother-in-law. In the spirit of Wikipedia, this is called disambiguation) Naturally, I would later grow up to be a comic zombie author who’d write posts like “Get Your Ridiculous On with comic Zombie Turkeys”.
Where shall we begin? First, with a picture of my kids, from twenty-one years ago:
New Year, Andy Zach’s New Novel Paranormal Privateers
The next year 2018, is just three days away! I’ll post excerpts and tidbits from my New Novel Paranormal Privateers between now and next year. Paranormal Privateers continues the Life After Life Chronicles,
But the Life After Life Chronicles is not over! Prepare for new adventures around the world as our paranormal heroes and heroines travel around the world fighting evil and battling for truth, justice, and the American way!
Get Your New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts Here!
A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. And then a dozen more. Then hundreds.
This was not normal cockroach behavior. They do not come into the light in swarms. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They each climbed the door, walked the steel perimeter, and went back down the drain, even as others went up.
Utterly curious, I nabbed one with my lightning reflexes before it descended. Examining it carefully, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. A narrow trench had been eaten in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.
Modified and controlled cockroaches—that was like Vik Staskas’ cyborg controlled animals. I read his Ph.D. paper on the technology as well as the Midley Beacon’s de-classified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Vik was dead, at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.
New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts – Part 2
Going back through my perfect memory of the twists and turns where they led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace my steps.
The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. The steel was etched deep, perhaps a centimeter or more. Couldn’t be much left.
I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.
“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.
“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.
I stepped away.
CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.
I didn’t expect what I saw. A male, silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.
“Follow me,” he said.
Paranormal Privateers Prognosis
First, I’ve written 58,710 words, as of today. I’m partway through chapter 8 – Washington DC. I plan to have fifteen chapters, but I’ve already split three chapters due to length. I’m driving to finish the novel by the end of January.
Then come the edits. First mine, then my line and copy editor, and then my layout editor. My goal is to complete editing by April 1st.
Here’s my free short story offer! Just click on the post, follow the directions, and I’ll send you my short story, A Phoenix Tale. Or you can reply to this blog post. Or contact me on this blog!
Next you can read my review of Ksenia Anske’s humorous fantasy young adult book, The Badlings.
Life wouldn’t be complete without a video excerpt from me reading from My Undead Mother-in-law.
December 24th is the last day of Twelve Days of Christmas Buying on Facebook. Dozens of fantasy, science fiction, and humor authors are offering their best deals. Don’t miss it!
Next, I have a spooky turkey video: turkeys vs a cat.
Now we have a writing sample from a guest author: a computer!
Then I have this zombie-themed Dilbert cartoon:
And then a video of me reading a Zombie Turkeys excerpt:
Paranormal Privateers Progress
Moving on, let me give you an update on my Paranormal Privateers novel, volume three in my Life After Life Chronicles. I had the delight of researching flying saucer movies of the 50s, like this one:
I also had a chance to compute the apparent diameter of the seven-mile in diameter flying saucer next to the ISS, International Space Station, orbiting at two hundred and fifty four miles above the earth. I compared it to the moon at 240,000 miles with a diameter of 2,100 miles. The saucer would look three times the size of the moon.
Adding these and other items to my novel, I’m in chapter 8 Washington DC with 55,000 words done. The first draft will be around 100,000 words. It’ll probably edit to 80-90,000 words.
Let me know in the comments what elements of Zombie Turkeys and My Undead Mother-in-law you’d like to see and I’ll send you an advanced readers copy, the same text I’ll send my editor.
