“It’s my favorite short story I’ve ever written: In A Pickle.”
“Can I listen to it and read along?”
“You bet. Here’s the link to the short story. It’ll open in a new tab. The dramatization is below. Be sure to be sitting down and don’t operate heavy machinery while you listen to it. Note that this short story and many others are in my book, Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse.
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. He was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
Brice couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
Get Your Favorite Science and Fantasy Books from my reviews. I’ve been busy reading and I try to review every book I read. Here are the very best books I’ve read this month.
This was my second reading of ‘Song for the Basilisk’, the last one was over 20 years ago.
It’s even better the second time. I read it more slowly and understood the political machinations and the mysteries the author presented the reader. Patricia McKillip definitely has the ‘mystery’ + ‘fantasy’ combination to herself.
The premise is simple. There are four factions contending for rulership of the kingdom. The Basilisk slaughters one that has ruled for hundreds of years. One child escapes to a school for the bards.
The bards are musicians, storytellers, and magicians. But they only come to power by going to the hinterlands, where the magic is.
Meanwhile, the Basilisk rules in peace for 37 years. He has several daughters, one of which grows up learning all his magic.
Ms. McKillip brings all the elements together in a dramatic and surprising novel. It’s one of her best and that says a lot.
Dumb…silly…juvenile…couldn’t put it down. Comfort food for that juvenile part of you that never quite outgrew your comic books. Just forget that it’s preposterous (after all, you were already warned by the title; what did you expect?), and go with the flow…
The CDC has issued Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations. Zombie apocalypse is a common fictional and video game trope. Read their recommendations right here:
Andy Zach told me he'll evaulate this guide against the zombie turkey apocalypse.
For those who aren’t familiar with Zombie Turkeys, here’s the blurb:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country.
Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)
Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)
Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)
First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)
So, how does this stack up to zombie turkeys? Pretty well. One of the recommendations is to stay inside your house or bomb shelter until they go away. All these supplies will help as you hunker down.
After your emergency kit you need to have an evacuation plan.
Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and farther away
Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.
Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.
How well does this plan handle zombie turkeys? Pretty well, but you need a secure building or location where zombie turkeys can’t reach you. Remember, they can fly and peck through glass. Cinder blocks and bunkers are your friends!
Plan evacuation by car, since they only fly about twenty miles per hour. Try to avoid driving into large flocks, since they can stall your car. That would be very bad.
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).
