Oops! My SciFi Short Story Book Is On Sale! But just for two more days, so quickly click here to get Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse!By ‘two more days’ I mean today, Friday March 24th and Saturday March 25th. The sale ends at 2 am Sunday March 26th.
I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got a free short story for you from the book.
But first, let me tell you about my short stories before you try one.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul
I haven’t done this before, but here’s the Table of Contents from the book. I’ve added the chapter icons too. They’re created by my illustrator Sean “Fuzzy” Flanagan.
Now you’re ready for your free short story that follows below.
What’s it about? What if you’re a genetic engineer and you decide to use zombie turkey DNA to make pickles grow? That’s the set up. Enjoy! Click here to read it.
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. He was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. And he couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
The situation: The aliens have just landed in a flying saucer on the White House lawn.
Now you’re ready for your free excerpt that follows below.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Flying saucer over Washington DC
Chapter 9 icon from Paranormal Privateers
Sam and Lisa craned their necks with thousands of others as the saucer descended to the cleared area on the lawn. A hundred feet across, of smooth, unbroken silvery metal, it looked more like a lens than a saucer, with a smooth convex curved top and bottom. It floated silently as a balloon and landed like a snowflake.
“Look! It’s opening!” Sam said.
The edge of the saucer split, revealing a ramp to the interior. The alien ambassador Micah Rigby came out, holding both hands up in a gesture of peace. Tied to each of his wrists were silver strings, which pulled along two large red balloons. Hanging from the balloons were gaily wrapped packages.
“Greetings, Earthlings and my fellow Americans!” Micah Rigby spoke from the bottom of the ramp. Although he didn’t have a microphone, Sam and Lisa clearly heard him from a hundred feet away.
“The Old Ones send along two gifts for the President. We learned from Klaatu, who got shot for bearing a gift. I suggested the balloons and wrapping to show the gifts are not dangerous.”
“May I approach the president?”
“C’mon up, Ambassador Rigby!” boomed the President through the speakers.
Ambassador Rigby walked across the lawn and up the steps to the platform, balloons and presents bobbing merrily behind him.
“Here’s the Old Ones’ first gift for you.” He unwrapped the pink-and-yellow-striped package. It looked like a small silver phone. Micah handed it to the president and gave the balloon to the Secret Service agent next to the president. “You can give the balloon to your daughter, Agent Smith.”
Startled, the agent took the balloon.
Meet My Aliens from Paranormal Privateers
“Mr. President, this is a voice-activated cell phone. Simply speak the person’s name and you can see them and talk with them.”
“That’s like our cell phones.”
“The Old Ones copied the normal cell phone voice interface. However, the person you call does not have to have a phone at all! If you wish, your image can be projected to them.”
“Amazing!”
“Also, this phone is not limited by distance, nor can the signals be blocked. Finally, if you say ‘Old Ones,’ you can talk directly to them.”
“OK. Old Ones.”
Five translucent figures appeared near the president, all white-haired and bearded. One white, one black, one Asian, one Native American, and one brown race that might have been Middle Eastern.
“Greetings, Mr. President! How can we help you?”
“I wanted to see if you’d answer and what you looked like.”
“To be honest,” said the black one, “this is not how we look. These are merely our projected images. We use your races to show we are different to some extent like your races are different. White hair and beards symbolize our age.”
“What do you actually look like?” the President asked.
“We thought you might be curious,” said the Asian figure.
“That’s why we gave you the second gift,” said the Middle Eastern one.
“Here it is, Mr. President,” Micah said, handing him the larger orange-and-purple package.
The president unwrapped it and opened a sealed box. A cute furry caterpillar, with a head and face like a fox and long, furry pointed ears, quickly crawled out and up the president’s arm to his shoulder. It moved with a rippling motion. Squirrel-sized, it sat on his shoulder, licked his face, and purred contentedly.
Your Excerpt Concludes
“That tickles! You’re a cute little fellow, aren’t you? What are they called?”
“There are no equivalent species on earth, but we thought you might like them. They’re part of our ship’s ecology,” said the bearded white Old One. “You may call them anything you’d like, but we think they’re most like the Tribbles from Star Trek.”
“I can see that,” the president said.
“Minus the uncontrolled reproduction in the Star Trek episode!” The black Old One laughed. “These Tribble-like creatures must go back to the saucer each day for food. There are certain proteins they need they cannot get from your biosphere. We withhold the amino acids they need for reproduction.”
“They can eat harmful insects, flies, and mosquitoes, bed bugs, and cockroaches, but they cannot thrive or reproduce here,” added the brown Old One.
“So do you look like caterpillars, foxes, or Tribbles?” President Trump asked.
“It’s more of a metaphor than a literal appearance,” said the Caucasian.
“We want you to think of us as cute, warm, and fuzzy,” said the Asian.
“Will we ever get to see what you really look like?”
“It’s not necessary,” the five images answered in unison. “It has been pleasant talking with you, Mr. President. Our ambassador will discuss the trade arrangement we desire.”
The images disappeared.
My Aliens – What do you think?
What do you think of my aliens? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
The link connects you to my newsletter. The newsletter gives away free books twice a month year-round. I give away my audiobooks (as long as supplies last) and ebooks.
Which books? I have seven books in two series. Here’s the first book of the first series:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em — they come back stronger.
As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time.
Lisa uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story.
Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee-deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.
If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not listen to Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 15, 2023
I had a great time reading Zombie Turkeys. Andy Zach creates a hysterical, fun world where turkeys are at the top of the food chain, right before Thanksgiving. Time for a little Turkey payback and the new sound of terror is gobble.. gobble.
Three Ways You Can Get Free Books – The Second Way
It’s so simple: all the audiobooks are yours free to read–if you join the Audible program. You can join by clicking on the first book in my second series below.
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then, things got weirder when his best friend Dan Elanga got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys. What should the four friends do?
Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then, they started fighting crime as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. But they ran into problems they never expected.
What Do Readers Say?
Overall 5 out of 5 stars
Performance 5 out of 5 stars
Story 5 out of 5 stars
03-23-22
Another winner by Andy Zach!
Unique and wonderful book for young people. Kids see a whole new side of kids with special needs. Not weird. Just kids who are facing a different sort of challenge than they are. The story is fun and believable. It kept me interested, and I’m an old lady!
Here’s a link to my latest ebook in my Life After Life Chronicles series, Zombie Detective. You can join KU there.
What’s it about?
Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired–by his wife, Lisa. Their paper, The Midley Beacon, is barely surviving. How will they make ends meet?
Sam decides to give being a detective a try. He advertises his business–but his zombie experience comes with it. All across the country, people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. But can his experience with zombie turkeys transfer?
Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures–and so will you when you read this book. See if you can keep from dying from laughter.
When Lisa fires Sam, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, for about two seconds till she tells him he has until that night to find a new career. Because he works better under the deadline and she should know because she’s his wife.
This book was one of the funniest books I have ever read. I love Simon Carr’s books and because I have brought all of his books I wanted to find a new author who was just as funny and I found him. I had no idea zombie animals with that prevalent but they are in this guy investigates the situation and when he’s hired by the government crazy things ensue.
I’d love this book and highly recommend it if you love to laugh and trust me they have giggles on every page. You can really truly tell when comedy comes natural and when they are trying too hard in this author his comedic talent in spades I cannot say enough how funny this book is and can’t wait to read the second one in the theories or at least I hope they have a second one.
I was given this book by the author in story origin but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review but all opinions are definitely my own.
