My first series, ‘The Life After Life Chronicles’ begins withZombie Turkeys.Turkeys are always good for the holidays. I have people eating zombie turkeys in the book–and vice versa. It’s .99 for a book of laughter at your favorite zombie tropes. See below for some excerpts. Click here to get Zombie Turkeys.
My second series I wrote for my disabled daughter Tori who wanted a story with a flying wheelchair. The main hero, Jeremy Gentle, has cerebral palsy and an electric wheelchair like Tori. And he gets telekinesis and can fly in his wheelchair.
My last blog post told you of Paranormal Privateers, my wild, comical adventure tale of a family of zombies on a superyacht with a letter of marquis from the President to attack all US enemies–with plausible deniability. (See here if you missed it and its excerpt: Imagine You’re a Privateer. What Is It Like?
Tom turned on all the floodlights in the yard and saw that the traps he had at the doors to his barn had already been activated. These traps killed more gruesomely than the chainsaw one, but they weren’t as noisy. These traps were a series of wooden boxes, three feet on a side. A turkey-sized hole, led to a turkey-sized tunnel, led to a turkey-sized trap door, led to a wood chipper. The chopped turkey went from the wood chipper into a bin.
Tom had joked to his wife he could sell this as turkey sausage.
* * *
It’s What’s for Dinner–and breakfast!
Sam said, “Do you mind if I tell people about your zombie traps?”
Betty smiled grimly, “Not at all. My brother Jerry helped Tom make them. Put them on your website, and we’ll sell them to other turkey farms in Illinois—along with our sausage.Tom joked about selling turkey sausage. Maybe I’ll really do that. It’d be like a way of getting even.”
“I’ve sure that won’t be FDA allowable.”
“I know that. I’ll sell it as genuine zombie turkey sausage, not suitable for human consumption. A novelty item, like canned unicorn.”
“Hmmm. You can advertise on the Midley Beacon YouTube site for free, if we get half the profits.”
“That’s too high. Make it a quarter, and you’ve got a deal. A widow’s got to live.”They shook on it.
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Imagine You’re a Privateer. What’s It Like? That’s the premise of Paranormal Privateers. Through a series of events (In My Undead Mother-in-law) an ordinary, middle-aged couple becomes the leaders of a ship of privateers. Well, they’re ordinary, middle-aged zombies. My zombies regenerate, they don’t rot. They get stronger and faster, sort of like superheroes.
Chapter 1 icon
But what are privateers? They’re hired by the government for military duties, usually by ship. We got close to hiring airship companies to patrol the coasts in World War II. We hired ships in the War of 1812. The President still has that power.
But let’s start at the beginning: Their first assignment is to get the ringleader of band of Somalia pirates.
By the way, I show you how to get this book at over 80% off, later on.
Imagine You’re a Privateer – The Opening
Chapter 1 – Somalia
I sighed with relief when the US flag came down and the surrender flag went up on the mast of the enormous luxury yacht. I didn’t mind firing rounds from my AK-47 over their heads, but I hated killing people. They’re only infidels, but they’re still people.
Inhaling the salted breeze I grinned back at Muhammed, who was cheering and laughing from his seat behind the M2 machine gun in the bow of our boat we used to patrol the coasts and fishing waters of Somalia.
The sun gleamed off his white teeth, set in his brown face. “Look! They’re stopping” he cried.
True enough. The bow wave ceased as I watched. A pod of dolphins ended their sporting on the wake and submerged. The gleaming white yacht was truly enormous. What were they doing in the fishing waters of Somalia? I couldn’t imagine the wealth onboard. Enough for our whole village to eat well for a year!
Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 2
Our Supreme Leader, Omar Ogala, had organized the fishermen and former coast guard sailors to patrol our fishing waters. He ordered us to capture any fishing or cargo vessels we found. He told us the Americans and Europeans no longer cared about Somalia with the other crisis around the world and we could defend our fishermen from foreign competition—and dumpers. Many foreign nations, knowing Somalia’s weakness, would send cargo ships full of pollutants and dump them in our waters.
I never expected to see a luxury ship here. It was as big as a cruise liner, but it was apparently a private yacht. I’d seen one once before, when an Arab sheik visited Mogadishu. This one was three times the size! The owner would pay big to get it back. Maybe even a billion dollars? I couldn’t imagine that much money, and I was good with numbers. Let’s see: fourteen million people lived in Somalia. Divide a billion dollars among them would give each about $70. Unbelievable. A family of five could live comfortably for year on that!
Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 3
The Paranormal Privateers back cover. Click to get yours!
I came along as a navigator, fighter, and boarder, guiding our boat along the shore of Somalia and into the Arabian Gulf for several days, before leading us back. Besides Muhammed and me, there was Zahi, another fighter and boarder, and Ali, our captain.
“Diric,” Ali said to me, “You and Zahi board this ship and take the helm. You will follow us back to Hobyo. Muhammud and I will stay on the boat and keep the machine gun on them.”
“Yes sir,” I said.
Ali took the megaphone we carried for ship to ship communication. “Let us board! Let us board! Or we will gun your ship!” I didn’t understand English, of course, but I knew what he was saying. Ali was the only one who knew any English.
Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 4
“Don’t shoot! Give us time! We have to get our ladder!” Surprisingly, the person spoke in Arabic. It was good Arabic too, but with a strange Saudi and European accent. More surprisingly, it was a woman, a blonde, from what I could see of the figure leaning over the railing far above us.
We kept our boat about fifty meters away from the ship and watched the crew scurry about the decks.
There were many; I counted five including the main deck and there were at least three more decks below the main one.
Finally, rope ladder unrolled from the main deck, perhaps ten meters above us. We came close to the ship. I saw the pod of dolphins flash under our boat. Then they leapt out of the water and into it.
Only they weren’t the dolphins I had seen earlier. Four people in black wetsuits landed with heavy thumps in our boat. They had no breathing equipment, not even snorkles. They took off their goggles and their eyes shone bright red in the sun.
Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 5
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
“Zombies!” cried Ali. “Shoot them!”
Automaticly I sprayed the nearest with my AK-47. I heard the others fire too. Muhammed shot the biggest one with the machine gun. That could cut a man in two.
Dozens of red craters appeared in the black wet suit of the one I shot. But she—it was a white, brown-haired woman—didn’t go down. Her brows furrowed in anger and shouting in English, she ripped the gun from my hand and threw it into the ocean.
The other zombies did the same, except the big one. He grabbed the barrel of the machine gun in both hands and wrenched it from Muhammud. I could hear his flesh sizzle on the hot barrel. Then he bent the barrel into a right angle. Rubbing his hands together afterward, the burnt skin fell on the deck of our boat. Pink skin showed on his palms.
George Newby, wide-body zombie.
He was enormous, bigger than two of us put together. He red eyes looked out of his calm, square face.
The bullets from the machine gun had sliced the wet suit open across his chest, and more pink skin showed in the gap. As I watched, brown hair grew from it.
We were all struck dumb with shock and terror. Then the woman I shot called up to the main deck. The one on deck yelled down in Arabic, “All of you, lie down on the deck, and you will live.” We quickly did.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
Advent Days 6 through 11 – You can sample my other series.
If you’ve been following my posts, you know I meant to publish a post every day of Advent and give you something–but I missed this week due to COVID. So I owe six gifts. Let me give them to you now.
The week that wasn’t restarts with my Secret Supers series. I could describe it, but let’s start with a brand new review instead:
Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2023
It is a captivating tale that defies conventional superhero narratives. The author, with keen insight, weaves a story around four friends who turn their disabilities into extraordinary strengths. The seamless integration of disability and superpowers challenges societal norms, making the story not just entertaining but also thought-provoking. The author skillfully balances action, emotion, and humor, creating a narrative that engages readers of all ages. The message of resilience, unity, and embracing differences resonates throughout the book.
This book is a delightful read that not only entertains but also prompts reflection on the true meaning of strength and heroism.
In this sequel to Secret Supers, Jeremy has been experimenting on his hamster. As a result, Dancer has learned how to read, and is reading everything he can to learn about the human world. When Jeremy discovers this, he gets Dancer one of his old cell phones so Dancer can text the group.
As for the superhero business, the group needs some downtime and goes on vacation to Coaster World. What they don’t realize is that the villain they defeated also loves roller coasters and wants revenge against the Secret Supers.
Will the Secret Supers be able to defeat the villain and enjoy their vacation, or are their crime-fighting days numbered?
Secret Supers in Space audiobook cover. Click to listen.
Secret Supers in Space
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
Andy Zach’s writing takes flight in Secret Supers in Space, propelling disabled teen superheroes Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla into a cosmic summer adventure. Narrator Khai Lannor brings the characters’ energy and determination to life, making this audiobook an intergalactic joyride for fantasy fans of all ages. Buckle up and join the Secret Supers in their gravity-defying mission – this exhilarating journey is one you won’t want to miss!
“Where’s Secret Supers?” you may ask. I’m out of free codes!
“So where’s my last gift?”
Right below!
Free Excerpt from Villain’s Vacation – Chapter 1 – Dancer
How fascinating! This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name. Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day Dancer had noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps which then formed more patterns. Then he started listening to his owners differently.
They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother and sometimes by his father.
Dancer had learned to understand Jeremy and his parents, and then he’d put the terms they said with the clumps on the paper. Each letter had a sound, and together they formed clumps his master called “words.” The idea was brilliant. No wonder they were his owners and he was only a hamster.
Excerpt Chapter 1 Part 2 – Your Last Gift Today
Dancer read each paper eagerly to the point of memorizing it, but reading started to bore him. Jeremy only changed the lining about once a week. So he’d watched Jeremy open and close his cage door. Then he copied the motion, using his paws and nose. He left to search for more words to read.
Dancer found a treasure trove. This bookshelf was one of six in the lower level of his master’s big cage. Dancer decided to explore upstairs when he finished the books down here. He wasn’t even done with this shelf yet. The books he read so far were Jeremy’s old schoolbooks, all marked up by Jeremy. Dancer could smell Jeremy’s scent on them. He’d learned about books called “fiction,” which were stories humans invented. Humans organized fiction by author, not topic, like nonfiction. Now, he’d look for these fiction books.
He scanned the shelf above the schoolbooks. Some of the hardbacks had names on the binding. Those were the authors. Wells, Yellen, Zach. That was alphabetical—maybe these were fiction books. He climbed to the second shelf and pulled the Zach one—Zombie Turkeys—out of its place.
Soon he so was engrossed, he hardly heard the front door open. Jeremy was home! Dancer had to get back in his cage. Using his paws and mouth, he jammed the Your Sixth Year Reader and Zombie Turkeys back onto the shelf and scampered across Jeremy’s lab. He shinnied up the table leg to his cage, flipped the sliding door up with his nose, and squeezed in.
Tell Me What you Think
Let me know what you think of my gifts for you by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
