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Your Fourth Literary Gift! – 21 Gifts Until Christmas

Andy Zach Fans

Here is Your Fourth Literary Gift on our journey to Christmas day, from me, Andy Zach. Every day in December, from the first to the twenty-fifth I will give you a piece of my writing every day.

My past gifts are:

As always, you can keep track of all my blog posts and get free books from my newsletter. Subscribe by clicking here.

From my book Paranormal Privateers, enjoy this section from chapter eleven I’ve entitled “Pyrotechnics”.

Chapter 11 – Gulf of Mexico

Your Fourth Literary Gift
Chapter icon for Chapter 11.

“How many warheads?” the President asked.

“Seventy-two independent warheads. Each with a nuclear bomb,” General Figeroa said.

“How close to the saucer?”

“Within ten miles. But due to an ‘error,’ we’ll be within a mile. Each warhead will head toward the mothership. They’ll detonate within a hundred yards,”

The alien disk swelled like a giant pie plate. A bright flash and the nose cone exploded.

“Now—oh!”

The warheads exploded into seventy-two baby suns, engulfing the mothership.

“All warheads have detonated,” said mission control.

“I expected something more dramatic,” Figeroa said.

“No sound effects either,” said the President.

“We didn’t have the budget for that,”

Your Fourth Literary Gift – Sidekicks

I thought I’d give you smaller segments today. Let me know if you like large excerpts or short snippets by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. I’ll give you a free book for your feedback.

This excerpt is entitled, ‘Sidekicks’. Lulu and Sharon are the bodyguards for the Undead Mother-in-law Diane and her husband George. This is also from Paranormal Privateers.

Your Fourth Literary Gift
About Paranormal Privateers
Chapter 2 icon

“I’m feeling pretty good. Let’s see if I can make a dent in that door.” I went to the door and felt carefully around the edges. There were no gaps, but the door wriggled slightly against the steel rods holding it closed.

“Hmmm. I might as well attack the sides of the container as the door. I don’t want to bang against it, but that’s the only way to fatigue the metal and bust out of here. What’s to stop them from coming and firing another fléchette rocket or two?”

“How about if we get out with one big bang?” Sharon said.

“How do we do that?”

“I’ve got two shaped explosive charges right here.”

“And I’ve got two more,” Lulu added.

“How? How did you smuggle them in?”

“Let’s just say our figures had some additional padding,” Lulu said, smiling in the dark.

“Oho! Your padded bras have C4 explosive!” Diane exclaimed. “I wish I had thought of that. I’ll do that from now on!”

“You got it in one,” Sharon admitted.

“You don’t need any more padding,” I said sotto voce.

Our bodyguards fixed the four shaped charges around the door, right behind the two steel rods holding the door closed. We retreated to the other end of the container and covered our ears as Lulu detonated them.

Your Fourth Literary Gift Concludes

Finishing with this teaser from Paranormal Privateers I’ve entitled ‘Rescue’.

Your Fourth Literary Gift
Andy Zach Fans
Silverback gorilla and blonde from Paaranormal Privateers

We entered the saucer. Standing at the saucer control panel, wearing a pink ruffled shirt, purple bow tie, and a black tuxedo, was a middle-aged man with a salt-and-pepper pompadour. He held an Xbox controller, obviously modded. I smelled the scent of hair pomade.

“At ease, Sir Lancelot,” he said, and the gorilla slumped to the floor as he pushed a button.

“You’re the controller?” Diane said, surprised as I’d ever heard her.

“That’s me, and your rescuer. Before the inevitable interview, let’s get moving.” He pushed the button labeled Rome, Italy. “Rome is where I have further transportation set up. I’m sure the aliens will bounce back from a little power outage faster than we expect.”

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Your Third Literary Gift! – 22 Gifts Until Christmas

Here is Your Third Literary Gift on our journey to Christmas day, from me, Andy Zach. Every day in December, from the first to the twenty-fifth I will give you a piece of my writing every day.

My past gifts are: 25 Days to Christmas – 25 Literary Gifts for You and Your Second Literary Gift! – 24 Gifts to Christmas.

Your Third Literary Gift is below!

From my book My Undead Mother-in-law, enjoy this section from chapter three.

Chapter 2 – West Peoria

Your Third Literary Gift 
My Undead Mother-in-law Audiobook
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon

As soon as he hung up, Sam’s cell phone rang. Noting it was Lisa, he said, “Hi, sweetheart!”

“No time for that romantic crap. We’ve got another zombie turkey outbreak!”

“Where?”

“Not far from you. It’s a small private turkey farm near Gary, Deviled Turkeys. I’ve sent you the address.”

“Odd name.”

“They’re bedeviling the family, who’s surrounded. They called our turkey hotline. I’ve already notified the local authorities and the Indiana National Guard. Get the story, Sam! We’re dying for news here. I may have to cut our staff back again.”

“You’ve got a hot story in your in-basket from Gary already, about the zombie family. I’ve got Dr. Galloway getting DNA samples from them.”

“Great! You always pick me up, Sam.”

“You’re turning into a mushball.”

“You have that effect on me. Now, hurry up and get going!” She hung up.

“Bye, Lisa.” One tradition hadn’t changed since their marriage. She still hung up abruptly, leaving Sam talking into a dead phone.

Travel Interlude

Your Third Literary Gift
Back cover of My Undead Mother-in-law
My Most Romantic Story

Sam arrived at the Deviled Turkeys farm in the dark winter evening. Sam could see the National Guard trucks and a couple of police cars along the snowy drive to the barnyard. They had distracted the flock of perhaps a thousand turkeys from attacking the house and were now barely holding their own position.

Sam heard the BANG of shotguns, and the pop, pop of rifles and pistols. Why did the police waste their time and ammunition? Those weapons proved ineffective against the zombie turkeys last November.

Grabbing his trusty Flaming Turkey brand flamethrower from the backseat, he approached the line of soldiers.

“Stay away, mister!” an officer yelled over the crackle of gunfire.

Sam noticed he had a skinny neck and a shock of red hair.

“You should have a flamethrower!” Sam yelled back.

“We do! We can’t use them this close to the buildings. There’s a family in there!”

Good thing Lisa isn’t here, Sam thought. During the zombie turkey apocalypse, she’d flamed first and asked questions later.

Another car pulled up in the drive. The officer yelled, “Get away, ma’am! This is a dangerous situation!”

“I’ve come to reason with the turkeys,” Diane Newby yelled back, her red eyes gleaming.

“You can’t reason with crazed killer turkeys!”

“You watch me!” She leapt past the officer, past the line of soldiers, directly toward the mass of turkeys. The soldiers ceased firing, for fear of hitting her. The mass of turkeys washed over Diane like a tsunami. Sam reluctantly filmed her last moments, for her family’s sake.

Dramatic Pause before Your Third Literary Gift Concludes

Your Third Literary Gift
Happy Thanksgiving
Zombie Turkeys on the loose. From the back cover of Zombie Turkeys

The mound of turkeys burst apart, revealing Diane throttling a tom. She ripped off its head, legs, and wings and then smashed the body into paste on the ground.

“Listen up, you turkeys!” she yelled. “I’m the boss turkey now! Follow me!” Obediently, the turkeys followed her into the barn. She led them back into their cages and shut them in. Where the turkeys had burst doors and wire fencing, using her bare hands Diane wove the tough steel wire into a tight net, holding them securely. “Good thing I’m handy with macramé,” she said to herself as she wove.

Diane’s clothing was shredded and bloody like she’d been through a wood chipper, but her skin showed pink and unbroken through the many holes in her pants and coat. Sam ran to her.

“Are you OK, Diane?”

“Never felt better! I told you I could reason with the zombie turkeys!”

“How did you find out?”

“It was on the zombie turkey Twitter feed on the Midley Beacon page, where I was reading your story about us!”

“Ma’am, I have to thank you for saving us from a difficult situation,” the officer said. “I’m Sergeant Coxcomb.”

“How appropriate,” Sam murmured. Louder, he said, “I’m Sam Melvin, investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon.”

Smiling broadly, Diane said, “I’m Diane New—er—Sydney. I came here as soon as I heard of the attack. I just knew I could control the zombie turkeys. They’re quite easy, compared to children!” She laughed.

Sam Gets the Story

Your Third Literary Gift

“Diane, I filmed your battle. Do I have your permission to broadcast it?”

“By all means! Be sure to say a zombie human came to the rescue! Just call me anytime you have a zombie animal outbreak!”

“Will do!”

“I’ll testify to that!” Sergeant Coxcomb said.

“OK, let me interview you then, Sergeant, and I’ll add your testimony.”

The interviews with Sergeant Coxcomb and Diane, combined with the thrilling video of human zombie versus turkey zombies, burst across the internet like a nuclear bomb. Once again, the Midley Beacon plowed new ground in the zombie news business.

Tell me what you think of Your Third Literary Gift

So what’s the verdict? Give me your opinion on my contact page here. Or you can send me an email here: [email protected]. Finally, you can contact me through my newsletter by clicking here. and I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys! I give away free copies of my books. Each of the next 22 days of gifts will be in the newsletter.

Your Third Literary Gift
July Joy My Undead Mother-in-law
Review of My Undead Mother-in-law

Are you curious to listen to the audiobook? Click here to listen to a sample.

Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

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Your Second Literary Gift! – 24 Gifts to Christmas

Your Second Literary Gift from me, author Andy Zach is in this blog post. I gave you your first gift in yesterday’s post, 25 Days to Christmas – 25 Literary Gifts for You. Let’s keep going!

From my book Zombie Detective, you get this section from the first chapter.

Chapter 1 – Laid Off

Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

“Sam, you’re fired.” Lisa’s green eyes met Sam’s brown ones.          

“What? Lisa, you and I have worked together at the Midley Beacon for ten years! And we’ve known each other for fifteen! And we’ve been married almost two months!” Sam broke eye contact, stood up from his desk, and paced about their small office.

“Sorry, Sam. Romance has to take a backseat to finances. Ever since the bottom dropped out of the zombie turkey news market since the first of the year, the Midley Beacon hasn’t made enough to pay your salary.”

“But that’s our salary. We share and share alike.”

“We can still live on my salary. And you can apply for unemployment now that you’re fired.”        

“But what’ll I do all day? I can only play Fortnite for so long.”

“What did you do before I hired you ten years ago? What did you do while I was in college?”

“Uh, mow lawns. Handyman repair. Stuff like that. But I’m a grown man now. I want more.”

“Hmm, you are a decent reporter.”

“Thanks, Lisa. That’s high praise coming from you.”

“Well, it’s the truth. You’ve grown from a crappy reporter, like ninety-nine percent of all reporters, to well above average. I did lay off everyone else on the staff before you, you know.”

Sam’s eyes misted. “Aw, you’re making me feel warm and mushy.”

Your Second Literary Gift – a Mushy Scene

Your Second Literary Gift
Lisa Melvin from Zombie Detective

“That’s part of good management—emotional manipulation.”

“Uh, you mean you don’t mean it?”

“Nah, I mean it. Emotional manipulation is much more effective if you’re sincere. Say, why don’t you call Andy Zach and see if he has some royalties to share. We signed a contract with him to get half the royalties from his book Zombie Turkeys. We supplied more than half his source material right from the pages of the Midley Beacon.

Sam shook his head. “I just called him yesterday. His sales haven’t paid for the cover yet, let alone the editing.”

“I told him to go with traditional publishing!” Lisa scowled.

“He’d still be trying to get an agent, let alone publishing his book. Who wants to represent a zombie turkey author?”

“So think of something to do with your reporting and investigative skills. That’s your first job. Get out of here and work on it at home. When I come home tonight, I want a decision from you. That’s a deadline.”

“Ok, Lisa. And thanks. You know I work best under a deadline.”

“Sure, dear. We’ll go out for dinner tonight to celebrate your new career, whatever it will be.”

“I’m kind of tired of McDonald’s.”

“We’ll spurge. We’ll go to the big city of Peoria. Maybe to the Country Time Buffet.”

“Wow. Thanks, Lisa.”

“Now, shoo!” Lisa pushed her hands toward him. “Don’t forget to clear out your desk.”

Your Second Literary Gift – Continued

Your Second Literary Gift
New Science Books
Andy Zach’s new scifi detective mystery.

Like most of my books, Zombie Detective is available on Audible. Enjoy a free sample by clicking here!

Tell me what you think of Your Second Literary Gift

If you have any feedback for me, leave it on my contact page here. Or you can send me an email here: [email protected]. Finally, you can contact me through my newsletter by clicking here. I give away free copies of my books. Each of the next 23 days will be in the newsletter.

Literary Gifts 
2021 Reviews Zombie Turkeys Audible
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Tell me and I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys!

Are you curious to listen to the audiobook? Click here to listen to a sample.

Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.