Posted on July 20, 2018 by admin

Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers

Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers by Andy Zach

Is Paranormal Privateers a Funny Novel? Try this sample:

A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. And then a dozen more. Then hundreds.

This was not normal cockroach behavior. They do not come into the light in swarms. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They each climbed the door, walked the steel perimeter, and went back down the drain, even as others went up.

Utterly curious, I nabbed one with my lightning reflexes before it descended. Examining it carefully, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. A narrow trench had been eaten in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.

Modified and controlled cockroaches—that was like Vik Staskas’ cyborg controlled animals. I read his Ph.D. paper on the technology as well as the Midley Beacon’s de-classified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Vik was dead, at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.

New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts – Part 2

Going back through my perfect memory of the twists and turns where they led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace my steps.

The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. The steel was etched deep, perhaps a centimeter or more. Couldn’t be much left.

I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.

“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.

“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.

I stepped away.

CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.

I didn’t expect what I saw. A male, silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.

“Follow me,” he said.

Want more? I have another excerpt here.

Or you can go big pig and go here to Amazon or here to CreateSpace for more free reading.

But why settle for excerpts when you can get the WHOLE BOOK for .99?

Funny Novel for .99 – Here’s How

First, click here:

Next, click “Buy” within 34 hours of 4 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Central Time, USA. You see, the sale is up for only 40 hours and 6 have already passed. Then the price goes up.

Finally, read and enjoy!

Other fun from around the Internet

I keep finding fun items. Here are a few more.

A Silent Movie Pianist Gives a Demo

Then there’s this bit of internet animated Flash history. Please reply to me or comment if you’ve never seen this before!

How can I top that video? By one of the greatest videos by one of the greatest parody artists of all time! See if you can keep from laughing at this next video.

Finally, I must say goodbye for now!

Andy Zach’s Tombstone

Posted on July 1, 2018 by admin

First Draft Complete: Now What? Andy Zach Will Tell You!

First Draft Complete: Now What? Andy Zach Will Tell You!

Andy Zach here to tell you what to do when you achieve your book’s First Draft Complete stage. First of all, celebrate!

Take a day or two off! Go hunting zombie turkeys!

But you say, “Andy! I want to publish my book! Can I just ship my first draft to a publisher or editor or agent?”

Of course you can do that! They’ll be happy to take your money! But on the off chance you want to sell your book, you need to do more work. That’s what this blog is about.

First Draft Complete: My Editing Steps

First, these are my steps I’ve borrowed from articles I’ve read. You’re different and may need to/want to do this differently. But these are my starting points for my second draft.

These are the actual steps I followed for my latest novel Paranormal Privateers.

Paranormal Privateer Edits: The First Three Steps

Don’t worry: I’ve deleted spoilers out of these notes. I plan my editing before I even start writing.

Read through, noting problems – For me, these’ll be comments inserted in my Word document.
Add missing scenes, if necessary – This step, well as the next two, depend upon having a scene chart, as documented in my earlier blog post.
Delete/combine scenes, paragraphs – The goal here is to simplify and clarify for the reader what is happening and eliminate unnecessary words. I had 98,000 words after the first draft.

Paranormal Privateer Edits: The Next Three Steps

4. Rewrite 1st POV into 3rd. – If you write only in 3rd person point of view “he said, she said”, you won’t need this step. But I wrote several characters from a first-person point of view. I had too many first-person POVs, in fact, so I had to trim this down. The narrative becomes too confusing and the reader’s focus can be diluted.

5. Review character arcs: Paranormal Privateers has eight protagonists, five antagonists, and minor characters: You need to check character arcs, their entries and exits. Are they introduced properly? What happens to them during their scenes and afterward? Do they teleport between scenes? What happens to them?

6. Update timeline and scene chart, detailed scene flow. See here for more information on this important chart. Ask yourself, Is this scene really necessary? Do the scenes fit together on the overall timeline?

The Final Set of Edits

Read the book out loud. I’ve found this is the best way to find awkwardly worded sentences. I also find logic errors and wrong words that I’ve used.
Look for passive words: is, were, was, am, be, been. Combine this check with Grammarly Free Version to find spelling and grammar errors.
Review adverb use. Search for “ly”. Adverbs should be used sparingly, like salt.
Read aloud again
Finally, send the manuscript to my editor, Dori Harrell

What’s Next?

Do you think this is all that’s necessary for the next great American novel? Nope! The first half of the editing process is complete. Now you must work with your editor to perfect your novel.

That’s it for now! Andy Zach, signing out!

Posted on June 15, 2018June 15, 2018 by admin — 1 Comment

Starting Paranormal Privateers, a comic zombie novel

Starting Paranormal Privateers, a comic zombie novel

So, how does one begin Starting Paranormal Privateers? I gave the germ of the idea at the end of My Undead Mother-in-law:

Slight spoiler follows:

Continue reading Starting Paranormal Privateers, a comic zombie novel

Tag: Paranormal Privateers