Zombie Detective New Excerpt–and the book is on sale! I picked out this excerpt of my book Zombie Detective with you, my readers. Enjoy!
But why now? Today is the start of the Advent season. EVERY DAY until Christmas I’ll post a gift for you. Come back tomorrow and every day until Christmas.
P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.
Chapter 12 – Criminal
Criminal chapter icon
Sam walked into the office in Chicago Police Headquarters. “Superintendent Howell?”
“Yes. Please call me Gary, Sam.” A big smile creased his brown face below his glasses and bald head.
“Sure, Gary.”
“I’ve prepared a briefing for you. Here are the videos in time order.” Superintendent Howell pushed a button on his computer, and a wall-sized screen lit up, playing a black-and-white security video. A man wearing a ski mask punched a car window, opened the door, and took out a computer bag and a cell phone.
“That was the first crime. Here’s the next.” The same man knocked out a store’s plate-glass window and grabbed a television.
Sam watched all twelve videos with Gary Howell. They all happened late at night, all the break-ins done by the man’s fist. In the last video, taken from a policeman’s body camera, the man was shot, and he stumbled but kept running and vaulted over a six-foot barbed-wire fence, clearing it with a foot to spare.
“Whoa! I can see why zombiism is suspect number one.”
“Yes. We never found the bullets that were shot, and our video analysis show the man was hit in the leg and the back.”
“And then did the Olympic high-jump stunt.”
“Yes. We also analyzed his speed before the jump. Thirty miles per hour.”
“So an Olympic sprinter as well as a jumper. Have you interviewed any decathletes in Chicago?”
If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already. As a bonus for signing up for my newsletter, you’ll be able to get codes for free audiobooks. Get yours today!
Meet My Undead Mother-in-law from my novel My Undead Mother-in-law. She’s Diane Newby. I’ll let her son-in-law Ron Yardly introduce her. Read the excerpt below. My book is .99 from August 20th until August 27th.Get your copy by clicking here.
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 1 Icon
As we pulled up in Karen’s parents’ drive, I was reassured by the sheer normality of their three-bedroom suburban home: green yard partially covered with snow, evergreen bushes, two-car garage. There was no sign zombies lived there. Of course, what sign could I expect? A skull and crossbones and Beware of Zombies? Perhaps a biohazard sign?
Diane greeted us at the door. “Hello, my love!” She hugged Karen.
Karen barely flinched as she looked into her mother’s bright-red eyes. But she grunted “Ugh!” at the force of her embrace.
“Ease up, Mom.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Hello, Mom,” I said as I hugged her as hard I as could.
She hugged me back twice as hard.
“Ugh,” I grunted too.
Diane still had blond-highlighted brown hair, as she did when I first met her. She’d gained a pound or two though. She smelled of the body talc White Linen. I recognized it because Karen and I bought it for her birthday last year, pre-zombie. And she still wore her cat-eye reading glasses on a chain around her neck.
Diane seated us on the living room sofa. “Supper’s on. I have a nice pot roast for us tonight. Donnie and Maggie should be here soon. George!” she called. “The kids are here!”
A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.
“I’m so glad you made the trip. You can help us put to rest the ugly rumors that people with zombiism aren’t human. It’s just a disease. It’s not even harmful,” Diane enthused as she sat across from us. George sat next to her in a brown leather recliner.
“Mom, we love you. You don’t have to convince us,” I said.
“Of course not. I know that. It’s just that we’ve had people talking behind our backs at church and the public health officials trying to pressure us to get the treatment to eliminate the disease.”
“Don’t you want to get rid of it? I think the antibiotics for it are safe and effective.”
“You’d think so, but we actually have never felt better in our lives! I have more energy than ever, and so does George—right, George?”
“Yup.”
“My arthritic aches and pains have completely disappeared, and George’s old football knee injury is all better too.”
Meet My Undead Mother-in-law and the Villain, Vik Staskas
Vik Staskas absently stroked his long glossy-black hair as he skimmed through the day’s news on his wall-mounted monitor from his five-hundred-foot superyacht. He noted the surge in zombie cures and sought to tap into the money. He hired operatives to infiltrate the Midley Beacon and SPEwZ Inc., the business arm of the famous charitable zombie organization. The possibility of failure didn’t occur to him. He succeeded in everything he tried: a street thief as an orphan in Belgrade; a college student in Paris, where he got his PhD in robotics; and taking over European organized crime without the nominal bosses knowing he existed. He was ready to take over the US.
He developed remote-controlled cyborg animals and insects. He used them to spy, to infiltrate, to conquer, to steal, to kill. They were unstoppable. He planned his first hijacking of a zombie blood air shipment from Gary, Indiana. He could think of several practical uses for cyborg-controlled zombies in his crime empire. As they were, zombies had too much free will for his taste. He chuckled. Even zombies didn’t stand a chance against him.
When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked.
The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.
I’m glad my prejudice didn’t keep me from enjoying this out-of-the-common-way story.
Zombie corgi in Scotland from ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’
I am a huge zombie fan, I had thought the genre had worked itself out for a while and then I read this book. I think I have been scarred for life! I foresee months if not years of counseling in my future.
Not everyone is going to like every book, you know what that’s all right. Maybe they don’t understand the book. If you want to envision hordes of undead animals attacking the evil… sorry I don’t do spoilers. Think of a slightly sardonic look on life and you will be getting close.
While reading this book I was reminded of a visionary work of Cinema, “Polterygiest: Night of the Chicken Dead” a great movie by Troma Entertainment. Do yourself a favor check out this book.
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.
Chapter 3 – Turkeys
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys
“Me too. Now that’s over, let’s talk business. About Maryland.”
“What’s going on, Lisa?”
“After the zombie turkey apocalypse, they kept a flock of wild zombie turkeys for hunters. Maryland’s gotten great tourist trade from that. The recent bad weather on the East Coast has kept the hunters down, and the turkeys are out of control. They’re hunting people in the suburbs of Hagerstown.”
“What can I do about that? That’s a problem for the National Guard. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
“Yes, I know. The governor, Mary Landis, called me begging for your help. They can’t find the turkeys. I promised her that you’ve got a nose for zombie turkeys and you’ll find their hideouts in no time flat. They’re paying you two thousand per day for this, so don’t screw up. I’ve booked an evening flight to Hagerstown from the Peoria airport at six p.m. That gives you an hour to get there. Starting now.”
The captain put up a map on the wall-sized video screen. It was dotted with little black symbols and bigger red ones. Looking closely, Sam saw they were miniature turkeys.
“The small black symbols are where we’ve found turkeys. The large red ones are where we fought them. The battles are all on the west side of Hagerstown. And so are all the turkeys we’ve found in the woods.”
Sam walked to the screen and peered closely at the symbols. “Hmmm. Look at the turkey attacks, Captain. Do you see the pattern?”
“It’s kind of a semicircular tangent to Hagerstown. What does that mean?”
“See this attack near Cearfoss Pike? Then this one on Fairview Road? Look how they follow the Conococheague Creek. All these attacks in Fairview Acres—it’s surrounded by a big loop of the creek.”
“So they’re following the creek.”
“Yes. Even zombie turkeys need water. And I’m sure there are lots of trees and brush around it.”
“So much so we haven’t bothered investigating the banks.”
After killing hundreds of hibernating turkeys later, they got a comm: “All units proceed to MD-40. Major turkey attack underway in Cearfoss, Maryland.”
“Crap. That’s past their previous attack in Fairview Acres. They’re getting closer to Hagerstown,” Jeff said.
Sam gunned the engine, and they mushed uphill to the access road where the MRAP awaited them. Jimmy trotted behind them. Another MRAP picked up Amy.
Sam drove a quarter-mile into the woods, when the first zombie turkey flew into his face, spurs first. They scratched the tough Plexiglas on his helmet.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
Sam speared the bird on his twelve-inch knife and continued to plow toward the MRAP. Hundreds of turkeys descended from the trees. Sam ran over some, pounding them into the snow. Jeff shot them with his M4 carbine. Sam again gunned the engine as he hit level ground. The flock followed them, pecking at their backs, as they hunkered down on the eight-wheeled vehicle.
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3 – Part 4
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
Sam had often thought zombie turkey victims looked like they had been assaulted by hundreds of pickaxes. Now he felt their beaks cut through his parka, slowly bleeding him to death. The cold air congealed his blood quickly. Next to him, Jeff had fixed a bayonet on his M4 carbine and sliced wildly, beating off the turkeys.
He saw the MRAP ahead and sped toward it. The flamethrower shot liquid flame over his head. He felt the heat on his exposed bloody skin.
Weak and faint from blood loss, Sam parked next to the MRAP as the flames shot out overhead. Jeff jumped out and opened the rear of the vehicle. Sam fell off into the soft snow between the vehicles. His last sight before losing consciousness was a huge tom turkey stalking toward him.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already. As a bonus for signing up for my newsletter, you’ll be able to get codes for free audiobooks. Get yours today!
