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25 Days to Christmas – 25 Literary Gifts for You!

25 Literary Gifts for You! I’m author Andy Zach. For the next 25 days, I’ll give you 25 literary gifts of all shapes and sizes. Let’s get started!

From my book Zombie Turkeys, you get this section from the first chapter.

Bartonville

He felt different. More energetic, more alive. He bred with female after female in his flock without tiring. He stayed awake through the night. No predator scared him anymore.

Then a turkey hunter shot him.

The setting sun overlooked a crisp, clear evening in early November. South of Bartonville, Illinois, a farmer had leased his wood lot to two turkey hunters. Big and burly in their bulky camouflaged outfits, they had just bagged one.

“Good shot, Pete!”

“He’s a big ‘un!”

Pete and Bob walked up to the tom turkey, bleeding on the cold ground. The rest of the flock had scattered into the woods. He had exceptionally good plumage and weighed perhaps twenty pounds. Pete reached down and picked him up by the neck.

“He weighs at least twenty-five pounds!”

Then the turkey’s eyes opened—and gleamed red. He kicked with his spurs and pecked savagely at Pete’s arms and eyes. Dozens of his hens attacked the men from behind.

“Gobble! Gobble!”

He felt different. More energetic, more alive. He had no memory of being shot, but a certain turkey satisfaction at killing his killers. He also enjoyed pecking at their dead meat. This meat tasted better than the frogs he usually ate. He led his flock down the road, in search of more predators to eat.

The Next Scene

Literary Gifts
First Draft Complete
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters

Bill Westcot, the coroner of Midley, Illinois (population 512), had seen his share of grisly deaths, but this one took the cake. Two hunters apparently pecked to death by turkeys. How could this be? Wild turkeys were normally shy and secretive, not even as aggressive as geese. Bill looked up as a man came in—average height, maybe five nine, medium build, not fat, not skinny, roundish face, hazel eyes, and brown hair. He would be hard to remember. But Bill had known him all his life.

Sam Melvin, the reporter for Midley Beacon, dropped in for his daily chat. Sam and Bill had been friends since elementary school, and they had both stayed around Midley all their lives. Bill, a short, stocky guy with blondish hair, had gone off to school and become a coroner.

Sam had stayed in Midley after high school, doing odd jobs, until he got on with the Midley Beacon. As a reporter and blogger for a small-town weekly paper, Sam wasn’t especially busy, and he liked to socialize.

When he saw what remained of the corpses on the mortuary slabs, Sam exclaimed, “Gowlurp! Gaawka-urop!” He ran to the bathroom and puked. After washing out his mouth, he returned, eyes averted.

“Who in the hell were those poor bastards?”

“Peter James and Robert Smithville, according to their drivers’ licenses and their shooting permits.”

“They look like someone went at them with a thousand pickaxes.”

“Yup. Pretty gruesome, even for me.”

“What in the world happened?”

Suspenseful Break in Literary Gifts

Literary Gifts

“As far as I can tell, they were pecked to death by a flock of wild turkeys.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like that!”

“Yeah, that’s not really normal turkey behavior.”

“Could they be rabid?”

“Turkeys don’t get rabid, Sam.”

“They don’t attack hunters either. Is ‘death by wild turkey’ what you’ll put on their death certificates?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well, that’s what I’ll put as my story headline then. It’ll be in tomorrow’s paper.”

“Make sure when you write it up, people know that ‘wild turkey’ is a bird and not liquor.”

“How can you joke when you have these poor fellows on the slab over there?”

“It’s a job. You get used to it.”

So What Do you Think of Day 1 of Literary Gifts?

Literary Gifts 
2021 Reviews Zombie Turkeys Audible
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Tell me and I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys! Just click here or email me at [email protected].

Are you curious to listen to the audiobook? Click here to listen to a sample.

If you want more gifts like these, just sign up for my newsletter by clicking here. I give away free copies of my books. Each of the next 25 days will be in the newsletter.

Or you can just stay here, checking back every day until Christmas.

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Happy Undead Mother-in-law’s Day–Or Valentine’s Day

“What’s ‘Happy Undead Mother-in-law Day? I know all about Valentine’s Day. That’s today. What’s up with Happy Undead Mother-in-law?”

Happy Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law. Get it for your mother-in-law! Click here.

I’m glad you asked! It so happens My Undead Mother-in-law begins on Valentine’s Day. As the book opens, the family has dinner together, the undead zombies and the normal family members. Naturally, we celebrate it every year.

Here’s 2018’s celebration. 

All of 2017 was dedicated to My Undead Mother-in-law.

What’s that you say? You’d actually like to hear that scene? It so happens I’ve recorded myself reading it right here:

Andy Zach reads from ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’.

But maybe you want to read it yourself. No problem! I’ve got a free excerpt of chapter 1 right here for my faithful blog readers. Just drop me a note and I’ll send it to you.


Happy Undead Mother-in-law’s Day – You Can’t Afford a copy?

This is a common problem. You can’t afford the $17.95 for the audiobook version, the $12.95 for the print version, or even $2.99 for the ebook version.

Good news! I’m giving away a free paperback or ebook and an audiobook at the end of this month. Enroll right now the in the drawing.

You can also read the book for free on Kindle or Audible.

Finally, if you’re desperate, you can always do what I do when I want to read a book and not pay for it. Go to Amazon and click on the ‘Look Inside’ button and read random sections until you’ve read it all.

One more thing: here’s a Happy Undead Mother-in-law Review

Why is this my favorite review? It’s from a professional author who doesn’t like zombie books, yet loved My Undead Mother-in-law..


Stephanie Barr

4.0 out of 5 stars

Not your standard zombie tale

December 28, 2018Format:

Kindle Edition

Verified Purchase

When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked. The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.

I’m glad my prejudice didn’t keep me from enjoying this out-of-the-common-way story.

Happy Undead Mother-in-law’s Day – Now What’s Next?

Later this month I’ll have my cover reveal for my next novel, Secret SupersWatch this blog or my Facebook page  for the exact date. I’m waiting to get all the pieces of the book together: interior text (being edited), chapter titles, and back copy blurb.

Once it’s all together, I assemble it and schedule my publication and launch dates.

Here’s a cover tease:

Happy Undead Mother-in-law
Aubrey, from the cover of Secret Supers.

But that’s not all! I’ve scheduled my first author appearance this year. See this next Facebook post from my page.

My goal is at least twelve author appearances this year. I’ll let you know as I schedule them.

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Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers

Funny Novel

Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers by Andy Zach

Is Paranormal Privateers a Funny Novel? Try this sample:

A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. And then a dozen more. Then hundreds.

This was not normal cockroach behavior. They do not come into the light in swarms. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They each climbed the door, walked the steel perimeter, and went back down the drain, even as others went up.

Utterly curious, I nabbed one with my lightning reflexes before it descended. Examining it carefully, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. A narrow trench had been eaten in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.

Modified and controlled cockroaches—that was like Vik Staskas’ cyborg controlled animals. I read his Ph.D. paper on the technology as well as the Midley Beacon’s de-classified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Vik was dead, at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.

New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts – Part 2

Going back through my perfect memory of the twists and turns where they led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace my steps.

The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. The steel was etched deep, perhaps a centimeter or more. Couldn’t be much left.

I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.

“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.

“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.

I stepped away.

CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.

I didn’t expect what I saw. A male, silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.

“Follow me,” he said.

Want more? I have another excerpt here.

Or you can go big pig and go here to Amazon or here to CreateSpace for more free reading.

But why settle for excerpts when you can get the WHOLE BOOK for .99?

Funny Novel for .99 – Here’s How

First, click here:

Funny novel
Paranormal Privateers front small Click to get your copy!

Next, click “Buy” within 34 hours of 4 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Central Time, USA. You see, the sale is up for only 40 hours and 6 have already passed. Then the price goes up.

Finally, read and enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other fun from around the Internet

I keep finding fun items. Here are a few more.

A Silent Movie Pianist Gives a Demo

Then there’s this bit of internet animated Flash history. Please reply to me or comment if you’ve never seen this before!

How can I top that video? By one of the greatest videos by one of the greatest parody artists of all time! See if you can keep from laughing at this next video.

Finally, I must say goodbye for now!

Andy Zach’s TombstoneAndy Zach's Tombstone