Get Your Free Books and Laughs Right Here from author Andy Zach. You can win 50 free books and Andy will share his funniest memes with you.
“What?!” you say. “Where can I win 50 free books? What kind of books are they?”
“Science fiction series starters. Here you go. Click and enter the contest.”
Now Have Your Laughs. Read and Try Not to Weep from Your Laughter
Maybe you’re on a butter-free diet. Try the next one.
We all love little people who live in our homes, don’t we?
Get Your Free Books and Laughs – A new short story for you
Author Tori Smith has kindly agreed to share her hilarious short story. You can read it on Wattpad.com by clicking below.
Get Laughs Without Clicking
I quote the story below.
The Very Busy Fire Brigade
I came up with this idea from reading a humorous meme on Facebook way too many times, so I had to write something.
No one knows why people’s pants literally started catching on fire every time they told the slightest fib, but it made for very exciting television and maybe not so exciting consequences for the person involved.
Needless to say, the fire department was very busy. Major businesses had taken to employing small groups of firefighters to follow behind certain people (you know the type) and spray them down with fire extinguishers. Most people learned to live for this except for those in power, which seemed to scoff and turn up their noses at the idea despite evidence to the contrary.
None of this was more prevalent than in Washington where small groups of firefighters were kept busy around the clock every time a politician went anywhere. It didn’t matter the party or affiliation everywhere politicians’ pants were constantly bursting into flame. This also made voting easier because you always knew who was being truthful and who wasn’t.
“Please don’t send the brigade again.” One irritated politician sighed before his latest speech.
“Are you sure sir?” A security detail asked looking worried, “it comes highly recommended.”
“I’m positive!” The politician in question snapped. Afterward, he would straighten his lapels, and comb his close-cropped hair. “Besides, I can handle myself.”
Needless to say, said politician would be very sorry later if he had to be doused by the closest pitcher of water or if the fire department had to be called and he was out a pair of trousers.
This phenomenon was also used to great effect within the judicial system itself. Corrupt judges were weeded out and small groups of firefighters followed around criminals every time they spoke to law enforcement. Trials became efficient because there were usually quicker confessions.
Smart people tried to avoid this in the court itself, because who wanted to get charged with perjury, and well, the results spoke for themselves.
I give away free books with every newsletter I send. It comes out twice a month, but you can have it monthly if you want. Get your free books by clicking here. Here are some of the books you can get.
Super Science Stories for you, selected by sensei Andy Zach from September’s internet. Let’s start with this super story.
How do you feel about bringing the wooly mammoth back to life? Some think we should work at saving our current elephant species around the world. Others think mammoths may upset the current ecosystem in the arctic.
As a long-time dinosaur and paleontological fan, I’d love it. But let me know what you think in a comment or by contacting me here. I’ll give an ebook to each response
Super Science Stories Continued
This is a valid question. The US military has explored airship designs for sixty years. They can go to the stratosphere, above all weather and be supplied by airplanes indefinitely.
What is science fiction? I agree with Robert Heinlein’s definition below.
Look Out Below for More Science Stories
Is feasible fusion finally here?
Excuse my cynicism, but I’ve heard that fusion was right around the corner for at least fifty of my sixty-five years. When do you think it’ll be here?
Next, you’ve got some October humor, timely and topical.
I’ve got one last military scifi story for you. Or would you say this story is more science-based? The story does have biology and robotics inside of it.
Now for the real last meme of this post. Here you go, my friends. Get ready for some football! With eggs.
Writing Tips From John Grisham and Dashiell Hammett. I wish I could say they personally advised me, but no. I read these tips AFTER I had finished my seventh book.
I’ll give them to you anyway, along with free books. Look out below! Keep scrolling down.
8 Writing Tips from John Grisham
For all you people who never click, here are your 8 points:
1. Do — Write A Page Every Day
That’s about 200 words, or 1,000 words a week. Do that for two years and you’ll have a novel that’s long enough. Nothing will happen until you are producing at least one page per day.
2. Don’t — Write The First Scene Until You Know The Last
This necessitates the use of a dreaded device commonly called an outline. Virtually all writers hate that word. I have yet to meet one who admits to using an outline.
Plotting takes careful planning. Writers waste years pursuing stories that eventually don’t work.
3. Do — Write Your One Page Each Day At The Same Place And Time
Early morning, lunch break, on the train, late at night — it doesn’t matter. Find the extra hour, go to the same place, shut the door. No exceptions, no excuses.
4. Don’t — Write A Prologue
Prologues are usually gimmicks to hook the reader. Avoid them. Plan your story (see No. 2) and start with Chapter 1.
6. Don’t — Keep A Thesaurus Within Reaching Distance
I know, I know, there’s one at your fingertips.
There are three types of words: (1) words we know; (2) words we should know; (3) words nobody knows. Forget those in the third category and use restraint with those in the second.
A common mistake by fledgling authors is using jaw-breaking vocabulary. It’s frustrating and phoney.
7. Do — Read Each Sentence At Least Three Times In Search Of Words To Cut
Most writers use too many words, and why not? We have unlimited space and few constraints.
8. Don’t — Introduce 20 Characters In The First Chapter
Another rookie mistake. Your readers are eager to get started. Don’t bombard them with a barrage of names from four generations of the same family. Five names are enough to get started.
Take Time Out for Your Free Book Give Away
I give away two books every month to my newsletter subscribers. Also, you will get six free audiobooks, while supplies last. Finally, I also give free samples of my short stories from Oops!, my short story collection.
Writing Tips From Dashielle Hammett – Your First 12
The 24 rules follow:
There was an automatic revolver, the Webley-Fosbery, made in England some years ago. The ordinary automatic pistol, however, is not a revolver. A pistol, to be a revolver, must have something on it that revolves.
The Colt’s .45 automatic pistol has no chambers. The cartridges are put in a magazine.
A silencer may be attached to a revolver, but the effect will be altogether negligible. I have never seen a silencer used on an automatic pistol, but am told it would still make quite a bit of noise. “Silencer” is a rather optimistic name for this device which has generally fallen into disuse.
When a bullet from a Colt’s .45, or any firearm of approximately the same size and power, hits you, even if not in a fatal spot, it usually knocks you over. It is quite upsetting at any reasonable range.
A shot or stab wound is simply felt as a blow or push at first. It is some little time before any burning or other painful sensation begins.
When you are knocked unconscious you do not feel the blow that does it.
A wound made after death of the wounded is usually recognizable as such.
Fingerprints of any value to the police are seldom found on anybody’s skin.
The pupils of many drug addicts’ eyes are apparently normal.
It is impossible to see anything by the flash of an ordinary gun, though it is easy to imagine you have seen things.
Not nearly so much can be seen by moonlight as you imagine. This is especially true of colours.
All Federal snoopers are not members of the Secret Service. That branch is chiefly occupied with pursuing counterfeiters and guarding Presidents and prominent visitors to our shores.
12 More Hammett Writing Tips Underneath
A sheriff is a county officer who usually has no official connection with city, town or state police.
Federal prisoners convicted in Washington, D.C., are usually sent to the Atlanta prison and not to Leavenworth.
The California State prison at San Quentin is used for convicts serving first terms. Two-time losers are usually sent to Folsom.
Ventriloquists do not actually “throw” their voices and such doubtful illusions as they manage depend on their gestures. Nothing at all could be done by a ventriloquist standing behind his audience.
Even detectives who drop their final g’s should not be made to say “anythin’” an oddity that calls for vocal acrobatics.
“Youse” is the plural of “you”.
A trained detective shadowing a subject does not ordinarily leap from doorway to doorway and does not hide behind trees and poles. He knows no harm is done if the subject sees him now and then.
The current practice in most places in the United States is to make the coroner’s inquest an empty formality in which nothing much is brought out except that somebody has died.
Fingerprints are fragile affairs. Wrapping a pistol or other small object up in a handkerchief is much more likely to obliterate than to preserve any prints it may have.
When an automatic pistol is fired the empty cartridge shell flies out the right-hand side. The empty cartridge case remains in a revolver until ejected by hand.
A lawyer cannot impeach his own witness.
The length of time a corpse has been a corpse can be approximated by an experienced physician, but only approximated, and the longer it has been a corpse, the less accurate the approximation is likely to be.
Did you know any of these Writing Tips?
Did You Know I Have a Dectective Novel Coming Out?
Oddly, next month I’ll publish my own detective novel, my first. After I wrote it, I read the Hammett suggestions.
I keep a timeline of each of my books, so I know exactly how much time is in between Zombie Turkeys and My Undead Mother-in-law. Just enough time to place a whole detective novel.
Zombie Detective runs from January 2016 to February 2016. I pack a lot in there that six weeks time period.
Zombie Turkeys goes from November 2015 to December 31st, 2015.
