Brand New Excerpt of My Undead Mother-in-law for my 9th anniversary as a published author. I’m giving you everything I have about this delightful, middle-aged, zombie woman with anger management issues. This is every excerpt I have on her throughout my nine-year career as a self-published author. And, I’ll give a new, never before published, excerpt below.
Here’s an info dump on Diane Newby, the undead mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues. My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby? The world is divided into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die? You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Your First Excerpt, Chapter 1, Read by Andy Zach
(Your Brand New Excerpt comes later in the post.)
Excerpt 2 from My Undead Mother-in-law
This story begins with a happy family story of zombies who start their business sharing zombie blood. Zombie blood can cure just about anything. But then you turn into a zombie. Diane Newby, My Undead Mother-in-law, is the natural leader. You can read a tiny snippet from late in the story here. (I promise: no spoilers).
She gasped for air as she hauled herself up on the transom dock, and she tasted gulf water. Salt water! Her zombie bacteria were dying!
As soon as she stood up, two zombie ninjas charged her, one with a katana and one with a naginata. And she was weaponless.
The lead one called to someone behind her, “Get her!”
Glancing behind her, Diane saw the two woman bodyguards she’d thrown in the water were coming up behind her. They didn’t have weapons, so she turned her back on the two killer women in front of her and charged the two behind her, slowly, painfully. From My Undead Mother-in-law.
Excerpt 3 – Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law
He jumped into his hyperloop. It led to a bathroom.
“C’mon, boys,” he said to his chipmunks.
Splattity splat-splat!. Frigging zombie turkeys!
No problem. Holding his chipmunks, he pulled the eject lever.
Whoosh! A mile up, inflatable wings and tail whooshed from the seat. An electric propeller. spun
Vik steered his ultralight aircraft toward his destination
My Undead Mother-in-law Book on Sale! Get It Now!
“OK, Andy. You’re always giving away free stuff. That’s why I came here. Now tell me why you’re putting your valuable book, My Undead Mother-in-law on sale for .99 from October 5th to 12th.”
“I’m so glad you asked,” I said. “You see, I need book reviews as much as I need book sales. The more I get, the better I sell on Amazon. So a book review is nearly as good as a book sale.”
Andy: dressy casual
“Great, Andy. How do I get a review copy?”
Simply email me at [email protected] Tell me you’ll review My Undead Mother-in-law, and I’ll send you a review copy.
Read The Brand New Excerpt Here
Sergeant Ezekiel “Zeke” Johnson met them at the rappelling towers after midnight. The two zombie couples saw a square, muscular black man with a buzz cut and round face and head.
“So you’re the civilians who are rappelling with us?”
“You bet, sir!” Diane said.
“No need for ‘sir.’ I’m only a sergeant. But I have to warn you: I’m going to treat you as fully trained marines, and if you fail, you won’t go. Colonel Figeroa seemed sure you’d handle it, but I’ve seen marines fail this routine in training dozens of times. The colonel gave me full authority to flunk you if you flub up.”
“No problem, Sergeant Johnson! We’re not only civilians. We’re zombies.”
“Let’s see what you can do then. First thing is, climb to the top of this rappelling tower.”
“Here goes!” Diane charged the dangling rope, leapt up, and went hand over hand to the top of the forty-foot tower. In ten seconds.
“I meant, use the ladder—then come down!”
“Come down?” Diane called. “Here goes!” She jumped back to the rope and slid down.
“Not like that! You could hurt yourself! You’re supposed to make a rappel seat and use your rappelling gloves!”
“Oh, gloves?” She looked at her hands and pulled the torn skin off. New skin had already grown underneath.
“Diane is a charge first, ask questions later kind of gal,” Lisa said, smiling.
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