Get all your Weekend Zombie News! right here, from me, Andy Zach your favorite comic paranormal animal author.
First of all, my youngest pet phoenix Phoerensix, picked a book of the month winner. Here’s the first stage of packing;
And next is the second layer of packing:
Phoerensix also picked a winner of my monthly audiobook giveaway.
Do you want to get in on the free book drawings? Subscribe to my newsletter here.
Weekend Zombie News – We pose this question:
If you can figure out the meaning of this graphic image or if you have a wild guess, reply to this post or to my Facebook post and I’ll send you a ‘Paranormal Privateers’ advanced reader copy.
Weekend Zombie News – Audiobook Update
My audiobook will be coming out any day! Here’s me reading chapter 1!
Weekend Zombie News – How to Start a Novel
I found this advice pretty commonsensical.
Did You See This?
My new business card!
Then we have some more truth about being an indie author.
I also found this wonderful graphic illustrating complexity!
This blog is powered by WordPress. In 2018 I plan to study WordPress!
Weekend Zombie News – New Years Poem
My fellow author Jane Jago wrote this poem for New Years:
Upcoming Andy Zach Appearances at Conventions
Say, any of you readers want me to come to your town? Just reply, or send me a message right here.
Andy Zach Cogitating
Then there’s this new addition to my office door:
One of my favorite Christmas presents!
If you like time traveling science fiction, I found a great article about this right here:
If you like historical fiction, here’s a fun article about medieval walking.
Paranormal Privateers Update
I’m over fifty-nine thousand words in chapter 8. I also have a free advanced reader copy of chapter one if you request it or reply to this post!
3 Media Kit Tips for the New Year – and another free preview
My work is cut out for me this coming year! I’ve got to bring my media kit up to date! I’ll give you 3 Media Kit Tips I’ve learned and show you how to do them!
A media kit is a document containing information about your business, product or event. They are mainly used at events and for launches as a package of information for journalists to help them write their story.
It seems basic, simple, but it’s very necessary. Your website visitors don’t want to waste time looking for your media kit.
Oh, you don’t think you need one? How do you feel about communicating with your readers? Your customers? People in the media, writers, reporters, photographers, book reviewers, interviewers all help you do that. Don’t you want to help them?
The Second Tip – Navigation of the Media Kit
Navigation? ‘We don’t need no stinkin’ navigation!’
You probably also said, ‘We don’t need no stinkin’ headline,’ too. And you’re probably a poor, struggling, indie author who’s wondering why everyone doesn’t buy your ‘stinkin’ book’.
Just humor me, and try it on your website. With the other two tips I give you.
Of course, I have website navigation, but I’ve never had media kit navigation–until now. (I’m also a struggling indie author and a natural-born hypocrite!)
In my next blog post! In the meantime, tell me what I’m doing right or wrong; let me have it! I’ll listen and learn.
Finally, Your Paranormal Privateers Preview
In Tattersalls, a London pub, David Leicester looked up from his half-finished pint of Guinness as a new guy came in. Leastways, he thought it was a new guy; he looked very familiar. The new pubber had a square, muscular build, like a serviceman, but gray hair like David had, and light blue eyes. The bloke gave him a big smile like he knew him. Then the light dawned.
“Paul! Is that you, Paul Huddersfield? I guess your time in the colonies agreed with you!” David knew Paul had gone to the US to get a special cancer treatment. Although the PHS, Public Health Service, was free, the waiting lists for treatment were long; sometimes too long for life.
But Paul looked far better than just healthy. His beer belly was completely gone, replaced by flat muscle, as far as David could tell. Further, his face was less wrinkled and less worried than the last time he’d seen him. If it weren’t for the gray hair, David would think he was seeing Paul as he was in the SAS when he was around forty, twenty-five years ago.
“Let me buy you a pint!”
“I’ll never say no to that!” Paul’s voice was younger too; stronger, more vigorous than it had been in years.
“So tell me all about the States! I can see the cancer treatment was successful.”
“I had a fine time there. They’re great people, but I missed my fish and chips, and good beer. And, my old buds.”
“Did they put you on some kind of exercise program? You look brilliant!”
Paranormal Privateers Preview Part 2
“Thanks, David. You can say that. I got a secret for you.” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, although no one was within three meters of them at the bar. “I’m a zombie!”
David just stared at him.
“Yeah, I know I’m illegal. Look at me orbs.”
Squinting, David saw the faint line of contact lenses.
“So, how does that,” David avoided the ‘z’ word, “make you look twenty years younger? Hell, you look thirty years younger, except for the hair!”
“It’s like this. I feel like I’m twenty years old, full of energy, ready to tackle the world. I’m hungry all the time and I can eat anything—and drink anything. In fact, the only drawback I’ve found it that I can’t get drunk.”
“That’s brilliant! But what about the anti-zombie law?”
“Shhh! I’m here as an undeclared zebra. Here comes Andy.”
Andrew (Andy) Smith, the second member of their SAS squad walked to the bar. “Paul! I hardly recognized you! You look smashing!”
“I feel smashing too! I’m a zebra!” Paul laughed.
“Right.”
“Uh, Andy, ‘zebra’ is code for,” David whispered, “zombie.”
“Oh! I think I need a pint.”
Overhearing Andy, Christopher Stewart, the last member of their retired SAS squad, called out, “Get a pint for me too!” as he walked up and sat with them at their table.
“Big news Christopher!” Andy said. “Paul’s become a zebra!”
“Make that two pints!” Then they explained to him about Paul’s new illegal status.
“Make that three pints!”
“I’ll have three with you!” laughed Paul.
“We’ll make that an even dozen then!”
“Just bring the keg over here!”
The barmaid brought pint after pint to the table as the old friends shared stories and marveled at Paul.
Paranormal Privateers Preview Part 3
“So you can drink all night and never get drunk?” Christopher asked some time later.
“Sorry to say, yes.”
“And your beer belly just disappears?” Andy queried.
“Right. It took about a month after I became a zebra.”
“And all your old aches and injuries are gone, right?” David followed up.
“Right, just like I told you five minutes ago.”
“Hell,” ejaculated Stewart, “why don’t we all become bloody zebras?”
“I’m in!” said Andy.
“Me too,” David said.
“You’ve come to the right man, boys.” Paul pulled out three EpiPens from his coat pocket. “One for each of you, guaranteed to make you into zebras! All I ask is free beer for the rest of my life!”
“Deal!” exclaimed David. “One, two, ready, go!” They all jammed the EpiPens into their legs.
“How long does it take?” asked Andy.
“Not long,” said Paul. “Maybe an hour.”
“Might as well keep drinking. I’ve got a good buzz. I want to enjoy it as long as I can!”
New Year, Andy Zach’s New Novel Paranormal Privateers
The next year 2018, is just three days away! I’ll post excerpts and tidbits from my New Novel Paranormal Privateers between now and next year. Paranormal Privateers continues the Life After Life Chronicles,
But the Life After Life Chronicles is not over! Prepare for new adventures around the world as our paranormal heroes and heroines travel around the world fighting evil and battling for truth, justice, and the American way!
Get Your New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts Here!
A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. And then a dozen more. Then hundreds.
This was not normal cockroach behavior. They do not come into the light in swarms. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They each climbed the door, walked the steel perimeter, and went back down the drain, even as others went up.
Utterly curious, I nabbed one with my lightning reflexes before it descended. Examining it carefully, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. A narrow trench had been eaten in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.
Modified and controlled cockroaches—that was like Vik Staskas’ cyborg controlled animals. I read his Ph.D. paper on the technology as well as the Midley Beacon’s de-classified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Vik was dead, at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.
New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts – Part 2
Going back through my perfect memory of the twists and turns where they led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace my steps.
The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. The steel was etched deep, perhaps a centimeter or more. Couldn’t be much left.
I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.
“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.
“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.
I stepped away.
CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.
I didn’t expect what I saw. A male, silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.
“Follow me,” he said.
Paranormal Privateers Prognosis
First, I’ve written 58,710 words, as of today. I’m partway through chapter 8 – Washington DC. I plan to have fifteen chapters, but I’ve already split three chapters due to length. I’m driving to finish the novel by the end of January.
Then come the edits. First mine, then my line and copy editor, and then my layout editor. My goal is to complete editing by April 1st.
